Sounding Grumpy Or ‘Short’

People can be massively frustrating when they are not on your wavelength.

The other thing that really bugs me, is being asked what I mean? I've noticed I'm usually asked this when someone dosen't like the answer to a question they've asked me, then they get really cross with me because I've not agreed with the them, is a question the right way of asking for agreement? It's not like it was a simple question, like 'would you like a drink?' Always a complicated one with many levels of answer, like 'what do you think about Ukraine invading Russia?'

It all gets to the point sometimes where I wonder if I'm speaking the same language as everybody else or if I've suddenly got Word Salad?

Ha ha. Yes me too. Actually hurts after a while.

Mark (formerly Spikey) said:

I have cultivated a sort of vague smile (grimace?) that pops up automatically in all situations

Yes! 

Although it's an effort to maintain it for me and feels utterly fake - yet bizarrely, people seem convinced by it, superficially at least! 

I feel the same Roy, the more people badger and belittle me about the things I want to do, or not, to agree or not agree, the less I feel like bothering, especially if its a group of people, or someone who talks over me. I mean whats the point, if they're not going to listen anyway?

On the other hand I sometimes surprise people by being very talkative and forward with my opinions and I won't shut up, or be shut up, if it's something I feel is a principle then I will defend it. I don't care if it makes me popular or not, to me lifes not a popularity contest, although many especailly NT's seem to think it is.

Thanks, I most probably need to work on the smile.

I’m currently sitting in the car after being sent out of the supermarket by wife, apparently I was ‘going into one’.

Currently trying to keep a panic attack at bay in the Harrods lobby. So come back to my favourite place (NAS forum). Wife up with nephews roaming the many floors.

I am lucky because I have cultivated a sort of vague smile (grimace?) that pops up automatically in all situations.

It seems to be quite disarming and people treat me well.

It's masking, but a less well thought out and more automated.

I would love to post a picture, but obviously can't 

No I have been accused of looking menacing because my face is expressionless .I am the last menacing person on the planet it is prejudice I am afraid what you are getting

It feels to me like this is another case of NTs projecting their expectations on to our behaviour and coming up with the wrong answer. They only really understand how NTs think, so if they look at us and assess our words/ideas/behaviour as NT they get the wrong answer. And they don't like to be told they are wrong. But they shouldn't assume they know what we mean - their interpretations are just not as widely applicable to people as they think they are.

I think this is far from unusual Roy. I remember when I was a teenager I must have looked miserable when I was often fine - because men/boys (who I didn’t know) would sometimes say “cheer up love “ to me - and I was always very disconcerted by this as I felt I must appear different to people on the outside to how I felt on the inside. Ultimately - whilst it’s a nice thing to smile and be cheerful - we do have every right to just be ourselves and not feel we have to present a ‘face’ to others just for their benefit, or to feel we are doing ‘the right thing’.  We can’t control other people’s perception of us - they have got their own perceptions (and misperceptions!) - so their view of us is unlikely to be accurate in any case. 
So my overall feeling is: we should be ourselves, and be true to ourselves. There’s a phrase: ‘Be your beautiful self’ - and I think that’s a very good thing to keep in mind. And to tell ourselves that we are ‘enough’ - just as we are. If people don’t like that then ultimately it’s probably more to do with them and their psychology - and nothing really to do with you. I remember Anthony Hopkins saying : “what other people think of me is none of my business’ - it’s a good thing to remember! 

I like to take the pause, to ensure that I have the right words, in the right order, for the person who is about the receive them.  It is me being careful and caring towards the person I am speaking to - focusing my brain power, to honour them and their attention - before unleashing words.  Accordingly, I do feel very "irked" if they then say something like "OK mate, calm down, don't get your knickers in a twist about it!"

It all just seems to not help a group of people who already struggle with communication, for me it just makes me want to communicate even less.

Thank you, that’s how it all feels. I often take a deep breath and breathe out slowly before answering questions, that’s more me breathing through anxiety and processing the question, not me being angry. 

No your not being weird, other people are being rude, maybe modulating your voice would help, I don't know. But I think people think that if you stop to draw breath then your not wanting to answer, or taking a calming one, If challenged I often say that I'm thinking about what they said and thinking of a proper answer. If thats not good enough I walk away and then they say I'm being rude and you know what? I don't care.

Roy - I get this A LOT !!  Generally, I'm accused of being "angry" or "annoyed".......when I am not either of those things.  When I have something that I want to say properly, I often pause and take a breath = "people" seem to interpret this as me needing to 'calm myself down because I am so annoyed about it' = but that is NEVER the case.  Moreover, when I speak (or even more, when I don't speak) I am interpreted as being "moody"......which I am not.

Although it is us autistic folk that seem to be endlessly told that WE have the problem with communication and understanding ..... in my case, it seems to be that either (a) THEY have the problem or (b) WE/I have a problem of somehow misrepresenting how I am feeling to other people.