Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone
The guy I've been seeing for the past few months (I posted a message here before) took me back to his hometown to meet his family recently and everything went very well. He was really pleased with how happy his family were and how we got along so easily. He explained to me afterwards that he wanted me to meet his family as he needed to see what the overall vibe would be like as this is important for him. After we returned home he seemed a little sad. When I asked him what was wrong he said he felt a little guilty and worried about my emotional wellbeing as he feels that he should put more time aside so that we can spend more time together instead of just seeing each other on weekends (or in most cases on alternate weekends). He said that he needs so much time to focus on his special interests as well as his job and he is worried that this will become a problem. I tried to explain to him that he shouldn't worry himself as I understand that he needs time for his interests and that we should continue to take things slow so that nobody feels pressured to make big future plans anytime soon. He seemed almost reassured after I explained this but still seemed a little sad at the same time. We then spoke about him meeting my family as he had raised this topic recently. He said he would still like to meet my family very soon. I understand that things have not been easy for him at all in the past and I also understand that I may never be able to fully understand his perception and why he thinks the way he does. I am a bit concerned about his mental wellbeing at the moment and was wondering if anyone could help me understand the situation a little better. I want to be supportive to him and I want him to feel comfortable with the way things are at the moment and not to feel pressured. Does anyone have any advice or insight into why he may be feeling this way? Did I handle things well for the time being?
I can identify with this issue. I have a special interest that took over my life for many years, and to some extent even now. Its a very geeky interest so its not something I share with most people. Is he embarassed by his special interest like I am? Another thing may be burnout , does he struggle with his job and feel exhausted by it? Juggling you, his interest and work may feel overwhelming to him? It took me unil 35 to be ready to bring all of my stuff together and then I met my wife. You are doing things the right way by giving him time and heing understanding.
good luck
Rob
Hi Rob
He actually talks about his special interests a lot with me. Quite often he will send me relevant links via text for articles about his interests. He seems in his element whenever he talks about it with me and he can talk for a long time about it too. He does admit he feels burnout quite a lot and it's one of the reasons that we don't really do phone calls or video calls because they are more time consuming and they can eat into his spare time. I don't want to take up too much of his time. His family are from a different culture as well so there are a lot of expectations from his family where he either has to travel to see them for the weekend or they will travel to him. I guess you could say that they are a very close knit family and that's why he wanted to make sure that I would get along with them all. At first I did feel that he just wanted interested in me and that he didn't want to progress things but now it seems to make more sense. I'm just glad that he's been upfront about his struggles and his concerns about my wellbeing. At least it proves that he does care and he does like me for who I am. Thank you for the insight also. It has helped me understand things a little better