Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone
The guy I've been seeing for the past few months (I posted a message here before) took me back to his hometown to meet his family recently and everything went very well. He was really pleased with how happy his family were and how we got along so easily. He explained to me afterwards that he wanted me to meet his family as he needed to see what the overall vibe would be like as this is important for him. After we returned home he seemed a little sad. When I asked him what was wrong he said he felt a little guilty and worried about my emotional wellbeing as he feels that he should put more time aside so that we can spend more time together instead of just seeing each other on weekends (or in most cases on alternate weekends). He said that he needs so much time to focus on his special interests as well as his job and he is worried that this will become a problem. I tried to explain to him that he shouldn't worry himself as I understand that he needs time for his interests and that we should continue to take things slow so that nobody feels pressured to make big future plans anytime soon. He seemed almost reassured after I explained this but still seemed a little sad at the same time. We then spoke about him meeting my family as he had raised this topic recently. He said he would still like to meet my family very soon. I understand that things have not been easy for him at all in the past and I also understand that I may never be able to fully understand his perception and why he thinks the way he does. I am a bit concerned about his mental wellbeing at the moment and was wondering if anyone could help me understand the situation a little better. I want to be supportive to him and I want him to feel comfortable with the way things are at the moment and not to feel pressured. Does anyone have any advice or insight into why he may be feeling this way? Did I handle things well for the time being?
I think you handled this perfectly fine in my opinion, just if he is anything like me, even though we are happy about being told that we are understood, we will always have that niggling doubt in our mind asking "is it really okay?"
The fact he is showing interest in seeing your family is a good thing, sounds like he has had a few past relationships however where his special interests got in the way and seeing things go well with you may have caused a introspective moment, where he has thought "Will he/she be okay with me needing my specical interests"
I praise you for being able to communicate and want to support him, its a lovely thing to see, the best thing to do is take your time and show him that his interests don't get in the way, the term of "actions speak louder than words", of which i have a feeling you are showing and this will put him at ease
overall, good job and all you can do in my eyes is what you are doing currently.
Thank you so much for the response. I guess I'm just worried that he's getting nervous or anxious and this could interfere with our relationship development if it isn't handled well. He keeps saying that it's not me it's him. He shows all the classic signs that he really likes me when we are together (body language, trying to keep eye contact for longer, initiating physical contact and even calling me cute and complimenting me randomly). He has only had 2 previous relationships and admitted that both women expressed dissatisfaction due to the amount of time he would spend on his special interests. They both said they felt neglected and unwanted. I have been clear with him that I am patient and I understand how important these interests are for his mental wellbeing. The only thing I'm wondering about is how would things be able to develop if he is going to struggle with maintaining close contact and communication?