Published on 12, July, 2020
Mine was when I started school. I remember sitting on a table with other children. I felt happy enough but then they all started what felt like a word dance that I didn't know the steps to and couldn't join in with. I remember feeling very alone and confused and panicky.. I mayve had my first shut down. Felt like i was in a washing machine and sound became a background thing. Suddenly couldn't understand them. That feeling still comes in a group of people.
What was your experience?
i have only realised with looking back that my Autism was there early on.I remember aged 9 wanting to know the election results .
I had a moment in late 90’s when I was around 10, there was an event organised by church, many kids, entertainment, camera man etc. and I saw the video of us. I couldn’t look at myself, I felt awful about seeing myself there with “wooden expressions” and other kids were so expressive and cheerful but I was sitting rocking and kinda smiling. I had impression I was looking at a disabled child. I hated myself a lot and this video only made it worse. I started practicing mimics in front of a mirror to be like others. And I used to do it for long years only when I found out about autism masking etc I stopped and decided to just be myself.