Who am I? [Rant]

I know where you're coming from. I totally understand not wanting a diagnosis.  But I also understand the appeal of the the clarity. If I was doing better I wouldn't considered it. But I'm not. It's only when things are going down hill that I wonder if it would make things better or worse.  Soft of a Catch 22.

Iain said:

To be on the safe side I would join a union and make HR and your boss aware of your diagnosis before doing anything like this to make sure you have as much protection as possible,

Yes, I have done this. I am fed up being bullied out of jobs, most I have defended myself, cleared up their manipulation of the truth, then left anyway. Most places I worked, unions were if not forbidden, certainly discouraged. Now I have the diagnosis officially on file, having a supportive manager just now is great, and I am in a union. I probably didn't mean prevent, more protect... so when it does go wrong with someone, I can be more assertive within the disability aspect, as I know myself better too.

Fiona said:

I sought diagnosis with the hope that it might help prevent recurrence of workplace bullying

Bullying is unlikely to be affected by a diagnosis - only a change in action on your part is likely to lead to change in their behaviour.

If you disclose your diagnosis to your employer and ask them to speak with your colleagues to stop bullying you, it is only likely to lead to them either treating you like a child or worse - changing the bullying to more subtle and humiliating ways.

I found standing up them, pointing out they are harassing someone with a registered disability about their disability and that if they persist I would destroy their career. All delivered in a deadpan voice and murder in my eyes to make them worry I may be serious.

Scripting and masking were a big help in doing that and they gave me a wide berth thereafer.

To be on the safe side I would join a union and make HR and your boss aware of your diagnosis before doing anything like this to make sure you have as much protection as possible,

That was my approach - you do your thing.

It helped me in my relationship and in my self-understanding and no one pushed me - in fact, at the start, I had to push for it.

I sometimes wonder if going for a later in life diagnosis is really worth it in some respects - and I sometimes wonder about the true motivations of those pushing someone towards a later in life diagnosis 

Fiona said:

how to get the best out of what I have got.

That sound like a great skill to have. and 

Fiona said:

I don't feel as critical of myself when I have to say 'no' to social things to pace myself.

Post diagnosis assessments are vital as are ongoing post diagnostic support and/or mentoring to identify areas of appropriate support after level of autism and any appropriate support needs are assessed properly - this must become a basic legal entitlement and obligation on all providers 

Allfunktup said:

How did you deal with the testing and diagnosis?  How has it changed you?

I sought diagnosis with the hope that it might help prevent recurrence of workplace bullying. I took evidence from all the online research I had done to my GP and explained why I thought I should be tested despite being 51. I was assessed and diagnosed in Feb this year, so it is still sinking in.

There have been no major revelations, just learning more about autism and how to get the best out of what I have got. I don't feel as critical of myself when I have to say 'no' to social things to pace myself. I find I still mask/hide a lot, doing the 'following others' thing, but I am more aware of it so can choose better. And having trodden the NT line for so long, I seem pretty good at translating between NTs and autistic people.

Anxiety is a big tick for autism too. Yes, take your time. 

Ah. I think I've seen these test before. Just had a look at the AQ and I honestly think I can only answer 1 or 2 questions.  Honestly, maybe I'm just a bit tense right now.  I'll take another look later. 

Thanks Bunny.  I really think the GPs are only concerned with proving that people are entitled to some sort of benefit. Otherwise they want you to sort it out yourself. The way the NHS is run I understand, but it didn't leave me with much. I'll talk a look at the links you've sent. 

Thank you.

Allfunktup said:

He said I may be "a little bit autistic" but I have a job and a home so I'm fine. I tend to see his point on that. 

It's deeply disappointing to hear about such nonsensical rubbish from your doctor. Does your doctor ever diagnose any women as being "a little bit pregnant", I wonder?

Having a job and a home doesn't mean that you can't also have significant ASD-based difficulties (regardless of whether they're clearly visible to others). Those difficulties, in combination with your masking efforts, can also still potentially lead to - for example - anxiety and depression.

Based on your characteristics and suspicions as you've described them here, I'd definitely suggest that you seek a diagnosis. It's not too late for one to be very helpful to you - and many others of us here were also diagnosed in later adulthood. 

The screening criteria for autism referrals vary across different NHS trusts, but commonly include completing and submitting either an AQ-10 or AQ-50 test.

Both tests are available on the website linked below in a format where you can complete them online and see your results. The pages also include explanations and discussion of the scoring criteria:

AQ-10

AQ-50

I suggest completing these to see whether you feel they merit your GP making a referral for you.

No problem. Though, while a 'respondant'/'informant' is desirable - I think it just makes the job easier. I don't think that it is an absolute necessity. As others have said on similar posts - it is not a trial. They are not trying to catch you out. They would spend more time asking you about your childhood, rather than your parents. If you went though with it, it would be worth thinking about your childhood beforehand - bullying, playing habits etc.

Thank Mark. Thanks to you and Mr T I will look into a diagnosis. I might reach out to you soon. It might take me a while to work my way to it as the the need for a respondent has just added a bucket load of fears. Outside of work I don't have anyone in my lift who could fill that role.  I could ask my boss, but knowing that he thinks this sort of things is made up and lefty, I don't think he'd be on board, or at best he's possibly use it against me at some point. He's always known there is something "odd" about me, but is just glad I keep it out of work.

I had very little childhood information except for a couple of things I remembered as my folks are no longer around. I am sure the assessors take this into account for adult diagnosis.

The main thing is to be honest at the assessment and try not to give the answers you think they want but answer truthfully. 

I found this the hardest as I had 50 yrs of hiding who I was and just tried very hard to fit in and failing.

This all sounds pretty autistic to me.

It is a shame that your GP gives you such a hard time. There is no such thing as "a little bit autistic", so it shows how out of touch your GP is with modern thinking.

I opted for a private one too. Being in my 50s, I felt like I had waited long enough already and was lucky to have the money at the time. The assessments themselves were not too stressful, but I had all the anxieties that you describe around them were very stressful. It was worth it for me.

The people that I used were expensive, but...

1. The costs were broken up into stages, so I could stop at any point. The first step was by far the cheapest and was a pre-assessment which found out if it was worth pursuing or not.

2. The people were lovely.

3. There were two independent assessors, so less likely to get a false positive.

4. If it turned out that I wasn't autistic, they promised to point me in the right direction about what my issues may be.

5. They were well trained on masking/camouflaging and took that into account. Like you, I don't even know what I am without masking. The official tests were good enough to see though masking too.

Many people on here don't feel the need for an assessment. Also, the assessment doesn't just make things better. It did help me though.

I am up for private messaging, so if you want their details connect with me and I'll pass them on (I don't think this is allowed in the posts)

All the best.

Just has a quick look around.  Did you have an informant to help you with the assessment? I won't have one. I don't have anyone who could help with an assessment.  I've more or less isolated myself from people so people at work don't really see me outside of work and anyone who does it's very brief. I don't like acting in my spare time when I'm not being paid. Can they still assess you without an informant?

Thanks for you thoughts.  I'll look into it.

I had to get a private diagnosis as I felt I could not wait for years on the NHS. My life started making sense after it but I felt like you that I was faking it and an imposter. I knew deep down I was different all my life but did not understand why. Now I do.

Look at it this way its like turning the page in a good book and starting another chapter. It is up to you if you view the new chapter with curiosity  or the same old doom and gloom.

The world has not changed but I have. I am still who I used to be but the change is a knowledge and acceptance of oneself.

I think about it. I don't think my doctor would refer me for diagnosis.  Their main concern is that I want to get something for free. He said I may be "a little bit autistic" but I have a job and a home so I'm fine. I tend to see his point on that.  The nurse just said "yes, probably". I'd have to pay for myself which I might, but my brain is trained not to be any trouble. I haven't decided if passing or failing the test is what I want so the idea of doing it just fills me with dread. Worst would be inconclusive - I don't think I could go through all that for inconclusive as that's what I am now.  I'm scared the relief of a positive diagnosis would last until I work up the next day and had to do the same things I do every day, and a negative would just be money in the wind.

How did you deal with the testing and diagnosis?  How has it changed you?