Never revealing your diagnosis

I came out as gay in my teens in the 1980’s in Rural Catholic Ireland and ever since that time, in both Ireland and the U.K. (Ireland being at a much faster pace and more total than the U.K.) it turned into a disgusting race to the bottom of degeneracy, where some always wanted to be “best in class” to “keep up with the jones” - over the course of 40 years, both inside and outside of the cesspit that the gay community turned into - it’s no wonder that I cut all ties and returned to my Catholic faith 18 years ago 

Yeah, I can't stand up for myself well. So I did share it couple of years ago, had bad experiences. But then moved area cos of husbands job. Since I've been in new area I have kept quiet about it. 

Are you implying i am this judge dredd guy. Oh well, i have a fan! 

Very curious. First I'm a bot, then i'm a character from 200AD, I told you, people, I'm a vampire. That's my gimmick.

IrishInManchesterUK said:

our current world

the 80's were great to me aesthetically, don't no abut morally. I love the irreverence of the counterculture from that time. Modern society is so distasteful to me. And the media culture so barren and artless in comparison.

I am kinda agreeing with IrishInManc on this (WTF!)  Ha, but yeah

Mr T said:

I am kinda agreeing with Lestat on this (WTF

You know it makes sense !

lovely jubly

I've been self employed for much of working life, when I've not been it was before diagnosis and I was still a bit strange and was tolerated to a greater or lesser degree. But I've not exactly had a career path, more of a tangent, lol.

In some ways, it’s almost as bad as coming out as gay - revealing any personal information in the workplace is still a minefield and if at all possible, is best avoided 

I can see the argument for being selective who you tell. And as I often remind people unsure about seeking diagnosis it's private medical data. You are no more compelled to share that information than say a blood condition. But in my opinion there are times it's helpfull sharing it.

I refuse to be "in the closet" about it and am open with anyone with whom I have more than a passing acquaintance with. I'd rather find out sooner rather than later if they're going to be tedious about it. I think people guess that there's something going on with me anyway because I don't  respond or react the way they expect. Luckily I can stand up for myself both verbally and physically.

Our grandparents generation, being traditional Catholics, would always talk about “occasions of sin” and “bad company” - the more I see of the heartbreaking events of Covid and even more so in the post-Covid era, I’ve begun to realise that they were correct time and again on every point in our current world, over 40 years after their passing - I thank God that they reached out to me as a teen in the 1980’s before they passed, even though what they said “went over my head” at the time and was “glossed over” by my rebellious parents generation who by that stage had “come under” the influences of those with hidden agendas that turned out to be harmful - my grandparents unwavering commitment to the principles of duty and of taking responsibly are values that cannot be underestimated in our times and I never really understood until I came across an old Catholic prayer book from the 1930’s that had the examination of conscience before attending confession - if our generation had been taught and practiced these values from an early age when I was growing up, our world would not be so messed up as it is today 

Yes.

I was never allowed to venture far 'for fear of something happening'. Grief is weaponised, especially here in Ireland. Any death of a son, or father, shuts women off.

They bombard Facebook with their grief, and say, "No one knows what I'm going through." The Black Flag mindset is still prevalent.

Revealing any vulnerability to anyone with NPD, a bullying mindset and/or prone to power trips in a workplace setting is like a goldmine, as they will exploit it to the max for any advantage they can, some types of employment are worse than others for this behaviour - some trade unions are better than others at handling these situations so caution and treading carefully when dealing with trade unions is highly advisable - post Covid, I would also tread very carefully with involving Solictors/legal profession as well, even if specialists in employment law 

There is value on what you say here - around the time that I was having my diagnosis in 2021 between setting up an interview and waiting for the results, having not being in a position to reveal the diagnosis to employer or anyone else, a girl I was working with had an older brother with the condition and her mother also worked in the area of mental health, so she basically “twigged” that I had the condition (there were cultural and other “differences” involved as well) and although not being “bullied” in the strictest sense (but feeling very vulnerable after being made redundant from another job in 2019 after 17 years of severe and sustained bullying, my resilience was very low, especially with other issues around Covid and being separated from family in Ireland here in the U.K.) this girl took a very unsympathetic and uncaring attitude and encouraged everyone else to take the same zero tolerance and zero patience approach, as she believed that the only way to manage my condition was via ultra strict discipline and overbearing supervision, where nothing I ever did was ever good enough, as she believed that it was “for my own good” and she knew how to “play” it, gossiping every chance she got, plus I was under a lot of pressure from family in Ireland about my diagnosis, where the management structure at that employer was very poor and she never got “put in her place” at the very start, so she consistently got away with her bad behaviour, the management had no idea what they were doing, they had no training in disability nor ASD issues nor any real understanding of same, a lot of people left within a year at the same area of the business (possibly because of her) - her attitude never changed after she had a personal incident outside of work, in fact it made her worse, she “pulled sickies” every time she wanted time off rather than requesting holidays properly and this became more frequent over time - I honestly believe that had I had a post-diagnostic assessment, I would have been better equipped to deal with this situation, as I would have a clearer understanding of my support needs and of my condition, information that I would have been able to share with my employer and my family in Ireland 

I am kinda agreeing with Lestat on this (WTF!) based on my experience so far. I had to disclose to my manager in order to get reasonable adjustments. Guess what I have been refused and am now being managed out of my department after 30 years. The justifications against my requests range from down right discriminatory, ignoring medical advice and are full of assumptions based on internal bias and stereotypes.

My colleagues figured out how to push my buttons and then I would be the one in trouble for reacting.

I have had a better experience in a temporary position recently. Maybe because it is a clean slate.

On the whole it is something that if I had the chance to do again I would think long and hard about it.

I am so please that your experience 'Pip' has been positive but not everyone's will be.

I'm sorry that's your experience - that must be hard. I just want to note for anyone else who may be reading that I have disclosed to my whole team and management at work and they have been absolutely nothing but kind and supportive, and have helped me to make adjustments where needed. Of course, you should always do what you feel most safe and comfortable to do.

Welcome back.

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/33818/naivety/339692#339692