Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I'm new to this community and excited reading many stories in the community.Recently I've been reading several articles about 'double empathy problems' and I've learnt about 'emotional empathy' which autistic people tend to be good at, that we can feel the same as other people (highly empathetic). But autistic people are not good at 'cognitive empathy' (the famous 'theory of mind' thing), where we're bad at cognitively prospecting people's emotions or thoughts.
I feel that this describes me exactly. I think I'm very empathetic (or sympathetic). I cry when I watch films or even trailers. I think I can tell when people get angry or uncomfortable when I'm with them (but I don't know why, but I can't do that with text only or voice only communication. I think I need face and body language to feel it). But I don't know at all how to fix it or approach it for them.
Now I'm curious about other people's experiences with this. I read several community chats here about empathy and what I thought was there're both people (who think themselves highly empathetic or not at all). Do you have any thoughts or stories?
Thank you.
Empathy, by classic definition is about Relating with an other and Responding as they expect through external emotions or behaviour/words. It's intuitive. When we're provided all the information to understand and relate with an other, this human response occurs naturally. In a movie, at the theatre or at an art gallery, everyone would be provided the same information (some times maturity will be a barrier to accessing this), but for the most part, a song might evoke the same response in Autistic and Non-Autistic listeners. And this would be an Empathetic response.
However, human-to-human isn't always this easy. Many people expect you to "read their mind" to some degree and don't provide all the information directly, which complicates the listeners ability to empathise. Another issue we might have will be in Motivation and Perception. NonAutistics can be wired for social domination and social togetherness to a greater degree, and then have emotions which go along with these attributes, and therefore use language to express their 'empathy' with others who are also wired the same. This is where there can be a disconnect. For instance, the term "imposter syndrome" doesn't mean what we think it means. It's a convoluted term that has to do with certain psychological defence mechanisms and when it's used by non autistics, it's a virtue signal.
Empathy is one part understanding or relating with. And classically, it was understood to not be a virtue (like Sympathy, which someone provides as a act of graciousness even when they don't 'feel' what the other is feeling), but an intuiting of another and an effortless responsiveness. When examined, Sociopaths are highly empathetic - they understand and relate with Typical motives and feelings, and know how to fake the response required, but have no problem manipulating these to their benefit.