Do you consider your problems to be situational?

I’m so glad things have improved for you - it sounds like you’ve been through so much. It’s wonderful that your daughter has been so supportive - you are blessed to have her :) 

ah yeah i do that. im often saying if i lose my job id never be able to get another. i say this so i dont quit my job or look for another and solidify myself into staying here in my current job which maybe bad for me and have rubbish times. but yeah it is highly likely id be in a 6 year job gap and i just cant afford that risk no more with having my own place. companies do discriminate against white men, thats the whole reason they pay divesity equality and inclusion staff massive wages for, to barr the company from hiring white men, thats the entire job role of dei staff

It's definitely predominantly the gear thing because I can get stressed out when there's no one around. 

Yeah, I am well aware that I have missed out on so many opportunities because I didn't know what I wanted from a job bar "I'm not doing this if I don't feel comfortable enough with it". 

I've fully worked myself up into a state that it'll never be good enough. I've worked myself up into a state over needing a new car and I spiral with these things, I start saying things like "I'm never ever going to earn enough money to pay for a £3,000 car because no one will want to ever hire someone who is so rubbish at everything and even if they did, it'll be forever until I earn enough to buy one, and I hate my current car to the point I don't wish to drive it again if I could avoid it".

But I know luck plays a part. 

A very good quote I heard was "money doesn't buy you happiness but at least it lets you be misrible in comfort" 

Our unhappiness is often as a result of many factors, and these factors interact in various ways. It is usually a combination of internal factors and external factors. To improve our lives I think we need to look at both aspects. For example with money : if you don’t have enough for your basic needs it’s very hard to be happy - even with a fairly positive mindset. Also - some very rich people are deeply unhappy - because of their mindset and attitudes. Both internal and external factors have an effect - and we need to look at both. 

I can't say with absolute certainty, but I think I would have done better  in life, with appropriate and  timely help and support. For most of my time as a psych patient it wasn't there. I was seen in a bad light for not living up to expectations. That only changed on moving to be near my daughter, when I was 60. She put the record straight with MH services here before I moved. That I had genuine difficulties, and wasn't just some maladjusted malcontent.

Too much water had gone under the bridge to reverse the decades of damage, but since I've been here I've been treated with courtesy  and kindness.

My view on money is that if you are isolated and lonely having no money worries at least means you can have a treat and lift your spirits or go and stay in a lovely hotel.I have been poor and lonely and better off and lonely.sadly my loneliness has always been there which money can never change.

You're right in saying that money doesn't buy happiness, but it can certainly help and contribute to it.

Before my dad died, I remember him telling my son, "Don't be tempted to accept the first job that comes along, simply because it's a job. Wait for the one that you think will really enjoy doing. Life is short, and there is nothing worse than being stuck in a job that doesn't fulfil you, and causes you to wake up each morning feeling full of dread." These pearls of wisdom came from a man who had spent the last few years of his working life doing a job he mostly hated, and crossing off the days on a wall calendar until his retirement.

I feel you make such a good point I have things going on outside my control that if they went away my life would be peachy.

Do you ever feel each day is like waves up and down breaking reforming high and lows

People with lots of money tell you that money dosen't buy you happiness, but as I say to them it buys you a better class of misery!

I think lots of problems are situational, you may enjoy driving a automatic is gear changing is what stresses you out, if its all the other idiots on the road then it won't.

I love lists!

first - step away from the social media. It is a cookie jar full of delicious but poisonous platitudes.

No one finds them selves there, just a cankerous hunger for more and more mercurial approval of others who are all doing the same.That approval is fleeting and addictive, an illusion. 

Even here there we run that risk and the mods are here to catch the worst of it let's hope. is that risk and one must be always mindful of it.

• To the point

My view is that life, itself is situational and we make choices 24/7 as we confront those situations.

All platitudes aside, if you are doing a thing and you feel happy, without needing to have an audience to validate it, you are in a feel-good situation.

Money comes along to facilitate that if you just focus on that which makes you happy. Here's a great book on the subject.

"money and the law of attraction" It's an easy, quick and cheap read.

HMO said:

while I don't expect that getting a job will solve everything for me, I expect it will take a significant amount of stress off my shoulders. 

How about:

• It will give you an income
• It will give you more self respect and sense of achievement
• It will give you contacts for developing a career if you want it.
• It will fill a sizable chunk of your time so you have less time to navel-gaze.
• You will develop new skills and remind you that you are capable of more
• You will start contributing to a pension pot most likely so are already preparing for your old age.
• You will qualify for sick pay so have a chance to make money even when ill.

Plenty to look forward to I would say :)