Post Diagnosis Support?

I can understand your feelings. I was just diagnosed myself by a psychologist and in one way I can see why I struggled all my life and in another way, I feel completely turned upside down and don't know what to do with it. Does my diagnosis mean I am weird and alienated and that my struggles will never improve? Does it mean I can't apply for certain jobs? And some autistic traits don't seem to apply to me so is my diagnosis even accurate? I feel like I don't know how to "act" now. Maybe I have been masking all my life and didn't know it and now that I am diagnosed I don't have to mask so now I don't know what to do. I did disclose my diagnosis to my sisters and husband and they had already suspected I was autistic and never said anything. I was shocked. The psychologist told me to disclose to my current workplace, but I feel really uncomfortable doing that. My main issue for going to a psychologist was because I have panic attacks and the latest one was bad so I thought I will go for therapy. It is very expensive, but I thought it will help me. After our first consultatoin, she said she wanted to do some pyschological assessments. Thats how I found out. All my life, I have had major trouble fitting in. People like me but are not friends. I am routinely left out. I ask to hangout with someone I  meet at work or in a group, and they turn me down over and over . Or we do hang out and then they don't want to again. So I do not know why I am so 'rejected" or left out over and over again. Autism fits this. It explains it. So I feel more understanding about myself, but now what? They psychologist told me to join a support group with autistic adults who were diagnosed later in life. So that is why I am joining here. But to tell you the truth, I am scared that I won't fit in here either.  So this is how my diagnosis has turned me upside down. 

NAS94852 said:

The psychologist told me to disclose to my current workplace, but I feel really uncomfortable doing that.

There is no requirement for you to do this unless you having a meltdown would put people at risk in some way in which case I would get some professional advice on whether to do this or not.

If work is not very friendly to autists then keeping quiet is a good survival technique but if you think getting them to make some minor changes (eg allowing you to wear noise cancelling headphones or changing the lighting so it doesn't give you a headache) then you may want to tell them and ask for these changes under the requirement called "reasonable adjustments" which they have an obligation to try to meet if practical.

NAS94852 said:

I have panic attacks and the latest one was bad so I thought I will go for therapy. It is very expensive,

Anxiety is the root cause of panic attacks and something most of us have struggles with. There is one book I can recommend if you are good with self help:

Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety - A Guide to Successful Stress Management - Nick Dubin (2009)
ISBN 9781843108955

As for therapy, the rates I'm seeing are about £45-90/hour for a certified psychotherapist in the UK. There are load to choose from if you use: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling  For reference I pay £60/hour.

chose your location, click on the FILTER box and select autism and any other issues you have and it will give you a list of therapists who meet the criteria. I would advise looking at their qualifications, expertise and experience to see if they seem professional enough then book a trial session with any that "feel" better than the others to you.

NAS94852 said:

I do not know why I am so 'rejected" or left out over and over again

This lack of social know-how is a common autistic trait and stems from the way our brains developed differently to our neurotypical peers - they found their sensory filters became more selective and this allowed them a different focus on things that we struggled to achieve - we tend to get swamped by inputs.

This allowed them to pick up on social cues better, "get" one another and got a lot more practice with the social interactions than us, not helped by our preference for our own company most of the time.

If it really bugs you then you can learn the skills - it means you have to work harder at catching what is going on but lets you mask effectively and blend in when needed - useful for a lot of situations if you need to fit it. A good guide for this is the book:

The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships - Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism - Temple Grandin, Sean Barron (2005)
ISBN: 9781941765388

I think I've covered most of what you talked about here - you will inevitably have lots of questions and other things to talk about so fire away and you will get responses from the community here.

You see, you have found your people at last!

The fact that “therapy” is so expensive and the fact that people are just given super long books to read, speaks volumes about the utter contempt that these healthcare “professionals” have for people with autism, are simply refusing to understand our issues, which goes way beyond just not caring, where they claim to not have the time (a lame excuse), where many businesses claim that they don’t have time to be “hand-holding” people with mental health issues and hidden disabilities like autism, shows and reveals their underlying prejudiced (hypocritical) attitudes that they believe that autism, hidden disabilities and mental health issues are “not real” and are “imagined” giving them the green light (in their minds) to label us as being “freaks and weirdos” - mere education of the general public on these issues is simply not going to dispel the very real prejudice and discrimination that is out there against people with autism, unless it is in conjunction with some very draconian and well-enforced laws to protect us and our rights as autistic people, because this is an ethical and moral issue - just look at the parallels between autistic people and LGBTQI+ people and how we secured our rights (which I know something about as I’m gay myself) 

IrishInManchesterUK said:

speaks volumes about the utter contempt that these healthcare “professionals” have for people with autism, are simply refusing to understand our issues,

This may be true of some healthcare professionals but I think that it is also quite a human trait to grow tired of all the needy people who do not accept the treatments (even if it is to read a book) or get any better (I guess you never get "better" from autism) and become dissilusioned with the benefit of trying to help us.

I have had 2 therapists out of 4 over the years who I believed were genuinly caring and wanted to help. The other 2 were less educated about autism and thus their approach was ineffective but I cut them off pretty quickly once I worked this out.

If you are reliant on the NHS then you are pretty stuck as you get what you are given so I can see this could be an issue for some, but if you can go private then some research and informed decision making relating to who you use is a great help and you are likely to get someone who does care enough to be effective.

This does also bring to light the underlying cause of why so many therapists don't seem to "care" and I think it is because for them it is just a job.

Like almost anyone I know with a day job it is a drudge - mostly you do what you do to pay the bills and don't take much pleasure from it or detive much pleasure from it, so I suspect this aspect will reflect in the way they deliver their "care" to you - they will keep it professional enough not to get into trouble but they don't really get invested in you.

Is this ethical and moral? I don't think a lack of caring about people would be considered as so. If there were outright prejudice that is expressed and acted on then yes, it crosses the line.

If only we were not so hard to work with then I think it would be a lot easier but I know so many here are stubborn as a mule and I would think this gets reflected in how we act when being treated too.

Therapists are just people and prone to all their failings, but if they cross the lines then they need to be held accountable and that is on us to do.

IrishInManchesterUK said:

speaks volumes about the utter contempt that these healthcare “professionals” have for people with autism, are simply refusing to understand our issues,

This may be true of some healthcare professionals but I think that it is also quite a human trait to grow tired of all the needy people who do not accept the treatments (even if it is to read a book) or get any better (I guess you never get "better" from autism) and become dissilusioned with the benefit of trying to help us.

I have had 2 therapists out of 4 over the years who I believed were genuinly caring and wanted to help. The other 2 were less educated about autism and thus their approach was ineffective but I cut them off pretty quickly once I worked this out.

If you are reliant on the NHS then you are pretty stuck as you get what you are given so I can see this could be an issue for some, but if you can go private then some research and informed decision making relating to who you use is a great help and you are likely to get someone who does care enough to be effective.

This does also bring to light the underlying cause of why so many therapists don't seem to "care" and I think it is because for them it is just a job.

Like almost anyone I know with a day job it is a drudge - mostly you do what you do to pay the bills and don't take much pleasure from it or detive much pleasure from it, so I suspect this aspect will reflect in the way they deliver their "care" to you - they will keep it professional enough not to get into trouble but they don't really get invested in you.

Is this ethical and moral? I don't think a lack of caring about people would be considered as so. If there were outright prejudice that is expressed and acted on then yes, it crosses the line.

If only we were not so hard to work with then I think it would be a lot easier but I know so many here are stubborn as a mule and I would think this gets reflected in how we act when being treated too.

Therapists are just people and prone to all their failings, but if they cross the lines then they need to be held accountable and that is on us to do.