Help/guidance speaking to doctors please

Thank you, I had actually started thinking the other day to write myself a letter, to block out the fact its for the doctor and write it to myself in a formal way(I somewhat enjoy writing like in that style) and then hopefully it pushes the anxiety to bay and its how I want it to be. I felt this over complicated things but I will re think this idea.

Also, I'm relieved that you suggested "right to choose" path as that is what I've found within my research and the only reason why I feel confident enough to ask for an assessment to be put forward, I've done the pre-assesment on the their website which I need to print out 

It's funny you say that because my journey over the last 2 years surrounding my mental health, is what lead me to this path. It was my last appointment November/February time that I was getting so frustrated with myself for not being able to explain HOW I felt and all I could highlight and converse about was my depression, this was because I relapsed into a depressive state and I'm used to those feelings so can actually articulate them. However, what I finally realised was that depression is a symptom of a bigger picture. How there's more going on and that I just don't know. I took a big step back and I can't even remember what pointed me in the direction of being nuerodeverse, but the shoe fit perfectly. Even down to how now I have this awareness, I haven't had a single depressive episode. I've felt sad, I've felt my traumas and troubles, but it hasn't turned into a complete whirlwind of unwanted feelings and thoughts causing a reckoning in my life, I've learnt about autism meltdowns and whereas I've always struggled to "get a grib" with my anger, since learning different approaches and coping methods based on ND individuals, I've been able to handle it better. 

Are these the types of things that would be helpful to speak about? 

I think I'm glad to read others have printed out information, it does make it much easier to grasp the particular points needed to be spoken about, and there's no shame in that, sorry if I only half make sense, I didn't sleep well last night 

I have a specialist appointment coming up. I looked up the diagnostic criteria from the DSM 5 (the manual) and then made notes alongside each criterion as to how I believe I may meet those criteria. I think it'll be helpful, I've met with this psychologist before for something else and I know he's a nice, understanding guy. So I think this approach will work with him.

I was lucky with my GP. I've been under her care for a few years now and she is familiar with my mental health journey: depression, etc. Here in New Zealand, its practically impossible to be referred for a free autism assessment as an adult unless you have another mental health issue that you think is being caused by the potential autism, or is related. She referred me because of my ongoing struggles with depression. So, if you have any other mental health issues, it will definitely help to mention them. I also took printouts of a couple of online autism assessments I had done, which she also considered.

I reckon just be very straight up honest, say you're worried you might forget to mention something due to being nervous, so you wrote some information down. I think that's perfectly reasonable.

Jojoba98 said:

any tips on how to have the conversation with my (dismissive) doctors about having my assessment put forward

Just type it up as you would an email to them, start by saying you have trouble explaining this face to face because of what you understand to be an autistic trait of anxiety and confrontation avoidance.

Say you have looked up the list of autistic symptoms and made notes on which affect you significantly. A good list to start from is here (just list the ones that affect you):

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/autism-spectrum-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20352928

With a paragraph for each trait that affects you and the printed results of an online test you have done all the research he would have done and then some.

Then make sure you ask for the "right to choose" path for assessment to speed things up. This should get you a private assessent paid for by the NHS.

That would be my approach.

Hello - I’m sorry this is so stressful for you - so many on here (including myself) will relate to feeling overwhelmed in medical settings. 
is this the first time you’ve spoken to your GP about the possibility that you are autistic/asking for an assessment?
It’s worth keeping in mind that the average GP appointment is only 10 minutes long - so you don’t need loads of information/points - try to keep it relatively simple as that will be helpful to both you and your GP. Also - hopefully - your GP will be familiar with dealing with autistic patients and anxious patients - so nothing that happens in the appointment is likely to be new or unexpected to them. 

I think it’s a great idea that you have had to have something written/printed out to refer to. I would start by saying to your GP : ‘I am very anxious about medical appointments so I have written things down here so that I can be sure to say what I want to say clearly’. Lots of people do this - so don’t worry about using what you’ve written down - even if you simply read out what you’ve prepared - that’s perfectly ok. 

It might be a good idea to write down the 6 main points that you think best reflect why you think you are autistic. For example : “I have sensory issues - I find loud noises very difficult to cope with’ - and give an example. Or: “I find social conversations very difficult’ and give an example. Going point by point - and stick to the main ‘classic’ traits of autism (I’m sure you’re familiar with them!).

You don’t need to worry about ‘getting this right’ - because as long as you’ve clearly written down what you most want to say you can just read it out. The doctor will understand I’m sure, Remember - the doctor is trying to help you. They might not be perfect but most GPs are just trying to do their job as efficiently as they can - they are not interested in judging you - they simply want to do the correct referral etc. 

I struggle hugely with medical appointments too - my anxiety goes through the roof and my head starts to swim. I have sometimes taken my husband with me just so I feel a bit less anxious. Could you take someone with you for a bit of support? 
Anyway - good luck!

I think your idea to print out the results of tests that you have taken online is a really good one! Maybe not too many notes.

If you feel they are really cynical, it may also be good to print out a few of the common misconceptions that you think apply to you. Not too many.

You can point out that you have done this because it is hard to get into words in person and that also is a sign.

I am saying 'not too many' each time because the doctor, unfairly, will be short on time.

I hope that it goes well for you. It is a horrible and common situation.