Published on 12, July, 2020
I have become extremely hateful and bitter towards the world. I constantly feel like an absolute loser with nothing to offer anyone else. I am 31 jobless,childless and above all socially inept and incompetent at all most everything I try. I have tried to live alone and I failed at that, I am now in a supported living accommodation and I have even messed up that! I have had relationships and friendships but for multiple reasons they have failed. Theres also alot more that bothers me about myself and the outside, so much in fact I could write several pages. I tell myself lies and excuses to keep going but what is the point. I have become incredibly misanthropic and depressed, so much so that I am beginning to have thoughts that I'm not proud of. I have told others about certain feelings and thoughts I have but they do not take me seriously. I have sort help but no avail. I think I have become a a bit of an alcoholic. My family dont know the extent of my feelings or my day to day behaviour. I curse god (if there is one) that I have aspergers. I have given up on people and the world around me and have become very pessimistic and a bit of a nihilist. I have a bleak outlook on life (not that my outlook was ever good, or that I was ever an optimist) I have inadequacies in almost every aspect of my life and self esteem is non existent. Just wondering if anyone feels this shitty? I'm sure there isnt any advice or information that could help but whatever.
Hey there, although in my case I am employed, I know how you feel. I have developed a hate for most people due to past experiences of being ostracised/bullied for being autistic. I guess for me one thing that kind of helps is that I have some people in my life who understand me and support me (and I do have friends who are autistic as-well like myself).
Honestly I am not sure what advice I can give you, if you feel certain people are being toxic or judgemental it is honestly best to cut them off.
But how would you deal with self hatred aswell?
NAS94658 said:how would you deal with self hatred aswell?
I use mindfulness techniques to look at the situation and try to take the emotion of of it and weigh it up logically.
Is the situation as bad as I think it is?
Am I inherently bad? If not what can I do about it? If so, can I accept it?
There are a series of logical steps to break the issue down, identify paths to deal with it (or to accept it) and then you have the option to make the effort or not.
It takes practice to find a form of this that works for you, but when you have the time it can be quite stimulating in its own right once you get in the zone.
Remember that the outlook is a choice - one informed by situation of course, but a choice you can make nonetheless.
There is significant research that a positive outlook grows positivity so the negativity becomes a self fulfulling prophecy. Once you make that mind set change to look to the positives and deal with the negatives as background noise then your mood improves overall. It feels odd and mabe a bit pathetic to start with but I've tried it and it does work (too a few weeks for it to change and for people to start behaving differently to me).
I hope something in there helps.