Published on 12, July, 2020
First thread I've started in a while, something I battle with and want to get everyone's thoughts on.
I find I'm quite "paranoid", In the sense that I always assumed the worst, I assume the worst will happen and assume that if people are nice to me that they actually don't mean it, they're just covering the fact that they don't like me, or they're saying that they think I want to hear.
I think there's many reasons for this, I'm worse when burnt out, I think self esteem and confidence play a role (who could like me?! I don't!) previous experiences like at school many years ago when everyone was talking behind people's backs, then being nice to their face and right upto today where I see the same behaviour.
I find I trust very few people or situations. If I'm burnt out I find I don't trust those close to me as much, which upsets me.
I know a little bit of awareness and not being too trusting is sensible and a natural defence mechanism, but it seems quite a lot more.
Is it just me? Or is this a common thing with the "tizm" ?
I wonder if it's out awareness and attention to things that makes us notice how other people "lie" so we assume we're also being lied to a lot. For example my wife will avoid telling certain people certain things to avoid them being upset or causing an argument, I instantly think "what aren't people telling me then?!"
I literally hit the roof as a child when I was told father Xmas wasn't real (sorry spoiler alert!) , I felt I'd been betrayed by the people I trusted and made to go along with a stupid lie....
Definitely feel far worse when I'm burnt out, like you say "thinner skin" sums it up. Like my vulnerability is high so I am mor defensive. I think my self worth drops a lot at those times too which doesn't help.
Always a little reluctant to trust People but when they have shown to be trustworthy I usually am more trusting, but I am not sure it's ever without question.
I imagine the test for "too paranoid" is, if people show themselves entirely trustworthy on multiple occasions, do you still distrust them and their motivation?
Sounds quite normal to me, lots of people are two faced and it dosen't do to be too trusting, but, don't assume that even if people are tlking about you that it's negative, they could be telling others how nice you are, or something interesting that you said.
My experience of burnout makes me feel like my skin has grown thiner and other people rub against me and I just want to be left alone. It is upsetting, but then if people don't understand that you just want to be left alone to grow another layer of skin then you're not going to feel particulalry trusting or safe.
Very common with ASD.Am the same as You.Don't worry too much, it is a part of who We are.Best wishes.