Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I am a 24-year-old autistic woman. I work at a pub and have been on the bar but mostly work in the kitchen. A few coworkers know I’m autistic and adhd as I’ve mentioned it, but I feel I fit in and hide it quite well. No one has been particularly surprised but I struggle with ‘banter’ and the usual social conventions (not reciprocating questions, interrupting, suddenly becoming quiet). I don’t know how to accept this part of myself - I come away from work every day and ruminate over everything I misstepped when speaking to people. It’s a very social job as most are and I’ve made it as unsocial as possible (solo shifts in the kitchen) but I just don’t know how to relax there. I’m recently diagnosed so on the other hand I also feel like I’m masking a lot and that people think I’m not ‘autistic’ enough or it’s ‘not that bad’ (I know this isn’t the correct terminology, it’s just one I’ve heard people use). Would just like to relax a bit more and be a bit kinder to those parts of myself but it’s hard, especially with customers.
Hi! I'm also a female and was working in pubs a lot during my late 20s, while realizing I have autism. I remember feeling exactly like this, like I hide a lot of myself and try too hard. I have an advice on that but at the same time take it with a warning.
For me the only way I could manage in a job like this was truly try to serve and help as many as I can. This was for me the only reason to take a job like that, maybe you also enjoy helping people by providing a service. But try not to help "too much". I feel like these jobs over use people like us, even without it being on purpose.
I sencirely believe people at pubs don't notice what the staff say and do. They are having too much fun. I tend to like to remind myself "it's only you overthinking this".
Lastly, I'd like to say that an adhd friend of mine once mentioned masking as a tool that sometimes just "comes in handy". One way for us to be kind to ourselves can be to let ourselves use it once in a while if it feels better.
Good luck and take care of yourself! I always look back on those years working at pubs as the most adventurous and fun for me, so try to enjoy it a bit more if you can!