Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
I am a female autistic person and i struggle to understand people's true intentions. It's interesting because I think that I have a good read on people and then I get surprised when my " friendship " with them doesn't turn out the way I expect. For example, when I moved to the city I know live in, I joined a Facebook group for new people in the area and ended up making a lot of connections (heavily masked my way through it - but that's a different story). Anyway for a couple of years I would keep up with these people regularly, they would confide in me and vice versa and invite me out regularly - sounds like a good group of friends right? Anyhow the last year or so I began the process of un masking (really just being authentic), and I still can't quite believe it but all of them are no longer bothering with me and I could no longer consider them friends. I know this partly might be due to me being masked vs unmasked, but I also think I've missed a few flaws in character there for them to treat me this way. So even though I think I have a good read on people, the results in my social life would say otherwise.
Anyway, today I met up with an old friend (from 10years ago). She had invited one of her other friends who I know but am not particularly close with. There was a couple of points throughout the day where I would say something, and then they would repeat it a short time later in the conversation making a joke of it. Is this banter or being mean?
Although she's been a friend for a while I do question her motives sometimes. For example, she had invited her friend today without running it by me. She often goes traveling with these friends and I never get invited, even though I'm someone who is known to enjoy travel. She also never invited me to her New Year's eve parties etc.. so I feel like maybe she's not a close friend they way I think she is.
Do any of you have advice on how to distinguish between banter vs someone being mean?
Thanks for reading!
On that point, I think it's good to ask. And talk about it.
I always felt unsure about a friend inviting their friend. On the one hand, I welcome them bringing along someone for support. On the other hand, I was afraid that I'd get pushed out and their friend would make me look, I suppose, unappealing in comparison.
What HMO said, a brilliant way of putting it.
I think lots of people assume that inviting another is OK, probably they don't that we need more one to one interaction, 3's an awkward number anyway in a social setting.
If it's banter, they're laughing with you, not at you. You don't feel small.
It does seem like your friendships are imbalanced. It's not fair that you wind up having to do everything.