Published on 12, July, 2020
Even on here, people don't seem very interested in making friends! The number of people that just send me about 3 or 4 pms on here and then stop writing to me is ridiculous. Surely autistic people would want friends more, and be more sympathetic towards the fact that I'm lonely, and be able to relate more to the difficulty I have forming relationships? Why do so many people just end up ghosting me? Why aren't people interested in getting to know me? And is there anything I can do about it?
I'm new here but I think when it comes to making friends anywhere it requires patience, especially if you and the other person have autism. We all communicate in different ways, at different speeds. Some people might not want to be friends which can be disappointing but we're all different.
I'm not great at making friends. I have tried before but I'm not very sociable and maybe I don't present myself very well - personally I prefer animals, I seem to have a natural bond with them and they are easy to talk to.
Sometimes connecting with others through shared interests can be a great way to form friendships. Have you thought about discussing topics you find interesting to see if anyone else has the same interests?
That might be a good way forward.
Remember, it's okay to take things slow and be patient in building relationships. If you get ghosted it might just be that life got busy for that person. You might hear from them again when life is more peaceful.
Keep putting yourself out there and eventually, you'll find people who appreciate getting to know you for who you are.
I know many people here, in this forum (me included) who can find PMs a difficult/awkward method of communication.
I think you "become" friends (over time) with people who can identify a connection with you. I find the idea of being able to "make" friends with anyone, a very dubious concept.
This is just my opinion.....but I wanted to mention that the things that "we" autistic people find weird or awkward (especially around friendship) is VERY varied. It is helpful to remember this if you are looking to find connections with people ( again, purely my opinion.)
Good luck Mark.
I made some quite several contacts here, but holding only few of them. And that’s fine. It needs time. If you like to hear: take your time, then accept that someone else also needs their time. We often don’t like being pushed, For someone maybe the conversation is not interesting so they stop answering. Don’t take it personally, we are all strangers here and only having chance to get to know each other online. Also keep in mind, that we are a community of people with not only autism, many of us have also coexisting mental health issues which makes the communication even more challenging. Once I red something that I agree with - autism is a will to make friends and connect, but lack of capacity. Maybe it’s too hard for some people to keep the conversation going for various reasons. For example being deeply concentrated on their special interest. Maybe your and the other person’s interests are different. I wish you make some friendships here, but no need to get upset if it takes time. Just an advice from my personal experience.
You can't force them if they don't want to, nor should you have to guilt them.
Ghosting is difficult though as it's a lack of closure, so you're not alone on that front.
You said that you've already made some friends through here. Maybe you could work on strengthening those instead of worrying about making more? Because that's where I went wrong in the past.
The other thing is PMs on here (plus notifications) are pretty rubbish. You're almost better off politely asking someone for their email if you've begun to get to know them.