Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I feel apprehensive about writing this but here goes. I am a vulnerable twenty-two year old woman on the autistic spectrum. I can cope relatively well with most things, but there are still certain factors I have difficulties with. I need to socialise, but I also do not want to, and I also struggle to do so. I am content in my own company but my mother thinks it is something I need. I cannot manage my money or really cook for myself, and I just cannot make myself aware of my surroundings. I have dexterity issues as well, and I am trying to get employment. Any advice?
thanks.
As you've said you are vulnerable, I think you need to find a balance between socialising and keeping yourself safe. Socialising may be a good thing for you, if done in a safe way, ensuring that you're with people who understand your needs and won't take advantage of you or create a situation that might make you feel worse.
People often see autistic people as antisocial. I don't think we are, I just think that we are wary of the situations that trigger our hypersensitivity, highlight when we don't see social queues and feel awkward. Many of us have So many negative experiences of social situations that we chose to avoid them. But I think in the right social group we can enjoy it all that much more because of how much more strongly we experience emotions.
Are there any local autistic groups you could maybe try out as a starting point?
Always remember to look after you, it might feel awkward at first which is normal, but if something starts to feel too difficult, take a step away or even completely if you feel you need to. It's all about making sure it's feeling good and not too distressing.
Also might be worth explaining to tour mum what your reservations and fears of socialising are, so she can help you rather than inadvertently pushing you into something uncomfortable.
Finding a job would potentially help your confidence too, but just be careful to apply the same logic, find something you feel comfortable with so it becomes a positive thing rather than an upsetting experience. Maybe even start off with some volunteer work as a way to test the water and see if you like it?
Hi I really appreciate your response. I am looking to volunteer at a local charity shop. I have also been really trying to obtain employment but as yet no progress. I do not think my mother is trying to force me to socialise, but rather that she is worried about my potential isolation. I have kept questionable company before so this is what she is concerned about. I just do not enjoy it but it does appear to be an inevitable part of life.
Sounds like a good plan, hope it all goes ok with the shop.
Sounds like your mum has your best interests in mind, it's good to have someone looking out for you.
I reckon you'd find it different if you met the right friends to socialise with, rather than it being a chore they would be something you enjoyed and felt you got benefit from being around. it can be tough finding them though.
I've had a lot of friends over the years but pretty much only a small handful left now, but they're the ones worth having as I know they'd be there for me, and I for them if needed.
Give it time and you'll find them and they will find you. Probably when you least expect it!