Published on 12, July, 2020
Why does it seem that women do the majority of the work in relationships? It seems that we do the childcare, the housework, the emotional work of keeping everyone happy-ish, be the appointments and social secretary's, the shoppers and cooks and have full time jobs? It's not just me that thinks this, many studies show the same thing. I've met so many women who feel that they don't have a partner, but an extra child, this often lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
Its starting to make me think that all hetrosexual relationships are inherently abusive, I can't speak for same sex ones as I've never had one.
I know I'm going to get flak for this post, but I'm going for it anyway. I'd love to hear from people who have successfull relationships and what they're secrets are, not that I want another relationship, I'm just curious.
I hear you - and as you saw, my relationship isn’t perfect! I agree with you from what happens in our household. We have jobs that are mine and his though - that helps, although my balance is more. He works more than me now but it’s always been the same whoever was working more hours. Sometimes I make a point like putting a bin bag over the bin because it smells so much or lining up his shoes in the hall or crockery next to the dishwasher that didn’t make it in. Makes me feel slightly amused even if it doesn’t make a whole load of difference. If, in his words, I ‘just do it!’, I’ll slowly take on doing everything so refuse. I think he finds chores hard like cleaning but I‘ve allocated three rooms to him that don’t matter to me. I charge him to clean the rest! I put the prices up a few months ago because he doesn’t notice and never says thank you. Again, it makes me accept it better! We used to have a rota for cleaning and, until our old dog died, we had a rota for a few months of looking after the dog overnight when it was particularly stressful. I’m sure you won’t be surprised that the rota was my idea! I love a rota. He hates it. But it’s clear, fair and effective. I’m 99% sure my husband is ND.
In my experience, men who've lived alone for a while are perfectly capable of doing things like laundry and hoovering, they just stop when a woman moves in, they go from being capable adults to manchildren. Then they wonder why you're to tired for sex?
As a lifelong singleton I have to do everything. If by some miracle I met someone I can’t imagine I would just let go of it all.
Perhaps the issue is whether people have lived alone for a spell or gone straight from their mother to their spouse?
I've noticed a lot more of men my sons age, (42) do far more than men my age, maybe its because they've grown up with working mums?
My husband has always done his share of the chores. I know I'm lucky in that, as many women I've known do much more than their male partners.
Not sure if it's because my partner is ND? Or maybe he's just very rare?