Nvm

It's to explain that they've changed their mind and retracted their post. 

Thats two possible explaination of it.

I rarely text and don't message

TheCatWoman said:

what is nvm?

NVM = never mind. Often used when texting / messaging.

Whats the point of just leaving nvm then whilst deleting the body of the post?

its short for "nevermind"

TheCatWoman said:

what is nvm?

Non Volatile Memory apparently ( en.wikipedia.org/.../Non-volatile_memory )

Nah, the original poster has edited the post as I think they didn't want it to remain - everyone has their reasons.

It was basically asking opinions about why a night out at work is so much hard work, but had some personal stuff in it they probably didn't want hanging around on the internet.

NVM? I think I must be missing something here? There's no text in the box where text should be just a repeat of nvm, what is nvm?

I've had a few socials where a drink has left me similar to you sat on that carpark, nice to know it's not just me!

Im less harsh on myself for these things since diagnosis but I know how hard they are on my wife, wish I could change that as the risk of pushing her away is a big worry, although she says she understands I can't help but feel it still has a bad impact long term.

I don't drink when I'm out. That really irritates me that you assume I do. Also, I'm not sure why the capital letters were necessary for those words about reading and interacting with other people with ASD... I'm sure you didn't mean it in any negative way but it tickled a part of my brain in an irritated way. It's not always as simple as bailing on a social situation either.. I wish it were as I would rather just do that. Alas, not every time can we prevent these "explosions" you mention. I can see the catalysts, but it's not something I have the power to change in the moment when it's happening. Hard to explain. I digress.. 

Can I ask, based on what you were saying about it being a "night out" - had you had a few drinks?

No my autistic brain wants to leap in here and ask you not to expect some finger wagging criticism if you did, it's just useful information.  I like a drink, I drink normally 3 times a week  I tend to be within the bosom of my family so it's never challenging or stimulating. 

However, there have been times when I've had some alcohol in my system and it has massively impaired my ability to regulate or manage when out and about.  Best summed up with the time I sat on my own in a car park all night (not in a car either!) rather than be with my G/F at a friends wedding - she was maid of honour as well.  If I was my normal self, I would have masked up and joined in with Irish Dancing and polite nodding, but because alcohol was present it took the edge off my coping strategies and I resorted to basic, childish behaviour.

I don't think you can "handle" a melt down, it's like asking how do you contain an explosion. It's probably easier to think how you can prevent meltdowns from happening as often as you can.

There's probably always going to be a threat of something going off when you least expect it. But self-referencing an earlier post I made, I recommend READING and LEARNING and TALKING and POSTING QUESTIONS ON ASD FORUMS to gather more information about Autism, learn about the processing style to build up your own familiarities with this.

You sound like you've got a good sense of self-reflection, you've mentioned all the triggers

- novel location and activity
- no headphones
- no fidget
- no nail polish
- loud music

If you were managing a peanut allergy and you went out somewhere and people were throwing snickers, eating peanut butter sandwich's and there was a banner on the stage announcing "celebrating 50 years of planters peanuts" - alarm bells would ring, you'd make your apologies and leave.

I think recognising and giving respect to yourself and your own autism is important, be good to yourself and if you find yourself in an environment (for whatever reason) is going to push you to a psychologically challenging place, because of your Autism - let the inner security guard step in, throw the metaphorical blanket over your head and escort you out the building.

There's been a few times I've had to say "Sorry about this, I'm finding being here just too difficult, sorry there's just too much going on, I'm going to have to leave". The more Neurotypicals learn about ASD, the more people will learn this is normal - you're avoiding those things toxic to a person with autism.

That’s a shame that sounds hard. I am not sure how I handle meltdowns to answer your question. I suppose I manage it with the use of alcohol but that isn’t a very helpful coping strategy so I am trying to find something else healthier to replace it with. I find medication quite helpful so is mindfulness. Relaxing music helps too. I have tried medications before and found the sedating ones to be particularly helpful as an only as needed choice. However I guess there is nothing wrong with drinking now and again to ease up is there? But when you need it to ease up in social situations as I feel I do it can become a bit of a nuisance. But yeh you could try meds I am on them and they help. They don’t cure autism however I mean nothing does nor should you want to cure it as it is what makes you you at the end of the day!

Autisician said:

I know what the issues are I just ain't sure how to fix them yet. I'm working on it, it's one of my priorities to fix. 

I can relate so much to this, all of what you shared honestly. I also have to do breaks and space out busy time in the ways you were saying, I agree about that recharge feeling even stepping away for a few minutes can provide. Being social really does feel like my energy is being actively sucked away from me. I too feel more comfortable with friends and family that do know about my autistic tendencies, even if not much changes about how they socialize with me. I think it's nice to have that communication line open, so if something happens you can explain it's part of how your mind works. This especially helps me communicate with my husband as he knows my grouchy moods aren't always correlated with the situation at hand, it could be entirely something I'm thinking about. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. We aren't broken, just simply in need of more maintence than others. That's how I view living with ASD on a personal level. 

Socials can be a nightmare, especially the ones I've thought too much about and thought about too much during.

I spend so much time overthinking on the run up to things. I'm not sure how to stop that but I know it's a problem. Things are never as "bad" as expected.

I also spend a lot of time during events watching myself and everything else, ensuring that I'm not doing anything that might appear odd. I'm sure if I could relax a bit I'd be better in that respect too.

Sometimes I get caught in the moment for a while and actually enjoy little snippets before returning to overthinking. 

If I'm out with friends who know about my autism it's usually easier, not that anything ever gets said about it or anything changed to allow for it, it's just easier somehow. Problem is very few people do know, so there's a lot of times I'm in situations that aren't comfortable and I barely enjoy, I just "get through them".

A lot of the time it's just sensory overload that gets me, which then makes me anxious and uncomfortable. 

I know If I do too many at once it's not good, spreading things out helps recharge my autistic battery in-between.

Drinking is another issue, I do it as it makes me feel slightly better at the time, plus there's the social pressure , but then horrific for days after with anxiety which manifests as angry outbursts and upset.

So in summary I know what the issues are I just ain't sure how to fix them yet. I'm working on it, it's one of my priorities to fix. 

Thank you for the kind words, I tend to act quite harshly toward my own self and I think you're right, its better to let my emotions out instead of try to contain them. May your daughter grow up with love and understanding, hopefully into a more accepting world.

For me I've gotten to that stage where it's not even instinctive to speak anymore. 

It's not like it was when I was a child; I'd be desperate to get involved in a discussion about something, but now I just don't bother.

It feels like that for me too sometimes, a lonely little stone trying to blend in to the forest floor by desperately growing moss. I find society pretty confusing because of it, they say be yourself then when you are. You're told, no not that self.. like huh? You're not alone though, we have this community to help build some support at least. Feel for you.

If you can afford it I would also recommend getting a therapist with a specialism in autism to help you with the social anxiety.

There are quite a few techniques (including mindfulness) to help you deal with the situation rumination - hopefully one of these can help.

Variations on these techniques also help with handling the situations in real time too but often just getting out for some fresh air for a few minutes can help lower the anxiety and prepare you for the rest of the session.

Knowing your limits is also useful and where you know you will be overloaded (eg the prom night celebrants) then knowing when to bow out and head home can save you from a bad situation.

That's pretty much it, but then I find I'm often on a bit of a hair trigger with melt downs, I can be coping and then someone says something or something happens and I off like a greyhound out of the traps. It's never pretty, I feel physically and emotionally drained after as well as upset with myself for letting things get to me. But on the other hand I try and tell people I'm not coping and that I need to leave and they keep pushing me, keep piling things on me and then wonder why I explode and it's always my fault and never theirs, I think I'm supposed to be an unfeeling brick or something.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. 

Please try not to give yourself such a hard time after, its ok, you have autism and the system does not allow it to be ok but it is.

It's a system fault not you.

Anyway, it's so much better for you to vent outwards than keep it in. Thankfully you done that.

Im on this website as my daughter has autism and is struggling with social skills specifically RSD.

Take care and keep strong and positive 

Best wishes

I often don't speak either, just because I dont' feel I have anything to say or to add to whatever conversation's going on around me. I'm not mute, just frequently bored by what others are talking about or know nothing about it.