Published on 12, July, 2020
Not what you're thinking, sorry.
I recently discovered that I am ND, and I'm trying to disentangle what in my personality is due to being ND, and what is not. If that's even possible.
My wife is a natural comedian, and a natural performer. She has improv skills which crack me up every time. I, however, do not have these skills and sometimes my wife expresses disappointment that I'm not able to be as entertaining to her as she is to me. But I am simply no good at improvisation. I think too much and too long before I say anything, so the idea of allowing a stream of consciousness out, unchecked and open to judgement, is abhorrent to me. Equally, when I'm simply being asked to perform I am unable. If my wife asks me to sing her a song, I freeze up. I've managed it a couple of times, but felt awful the whole time.
Does anyone else have these experiences?
I get that. It’s common for autistic people to be perceived as boring it would appear. Dunno why I don’t think we’re boring then again I don’t have a neurotypical brain.
Captain Grover said:my wife expresses disappointment that I'm not able to be as entertaining to her as she is to me.
Tell her to viva la difference.
Be authentic - you would not be yourself it you had to pretend to be someone you are not and if she loved you for who you truly are then she would see this.
Maybe point out the differences in her that you love and point out that if she tried to be like you it would be less attractive for you and you think this should be reciprocated.
Appreciate and embrace the differences rather than try to be a clone of one another.
Captain Grover said: If my wife asks me to sing her a song, I freeze up. I've managed it a couple of times, but felt awful the whole time.
The first time was horrible for me so I used a silly song (on top of spagetti, all covered in cheese, I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed...) to break the ice.
I lack what could be described as any kind of singing voice so it made it worse for me.
We now have a range of other silly songs we sing in the car from time to time but never of conventional song. This is as much for her ear protection as my embarrasment.
I think autistic people put a lot of thought in to most things, being spontaneous is harder as everything has to be processed fist. I can work to quite a high standard but not with anyone watching and expecting me to behave in a certain way. Instantly I become conscious of them and start feeling anxious. Being random just doesn’t feel right.
I’m same. Well, not everyone must be an entertainer. Everyone is different and has different strengths. Maybe you could ask her what strengths she sees in you and what she loves you for, if you feel such conversation appropriate. I’m also not able to perform when expected. But I’m good at other things such as organising typing up, doing things that for others are boring. I don’t think I need to change myself into someone else. And it applies to everyone.
That's the thing. I can be very witty. The spontaneity is there. But when the expectation is also there I can't do it.
I do not think that many autists can manage the trick of disengaging the brain and allowing the mouth to freewheel. Having said that I can, occasionally, come up with comic and even witty reposts, but if I consciously try to do so nothing happens. It has to be spontaneous. I couldn't tell a joke to save my life.