Published on 12, July, 2020
I really struggle with email etiquette generally, even more than I do in-person conversations. As hard as it is to judge what people are thinking when I'm talking to them in the moment through facial expressions, it's even more difficult for me when I just have a screen and some words to try to analyse. I often panic when sending emails, and I'm really reluctant to check my inbox because of it - which makes things difficult, because, as a university student, a lot of information we get comes to us via email! For example, there's one situation at the moment that's causing me a lot of unnecessary stress, that I feel like I should know how to deal with, but absolutely don't; because I just don't get the social conventions for emails!
A group of us at my university were invited to an event a few of our professors are running - whilst academia-focused, it’s pretty casual, so there’s no formal RSVP (although there was a line about letting the professor who sent it know if we'd like to come along.) I’m already busy that day, but I appreciate being invited and want to be kept up to speed on more events of this type that I might be able to actually attend in the future.
I’ve been overthinking whether I should respond and thank the professor for the invitation and explain that I can’t go, or if I should ignore it and not respond. Ignoring it feels rude after it was sent to a group of us with particular research interests, as opposed to everyone on course, but I’m also hesitant to reply because I don’t want to clutter up their inbox just to say I can’t go.
Is it accepted/polite to respond to invitations like this, or is it more typical to leave it? If anyone can offer any advice on this specific situation, or how to navigate work/academic emails more generally, that would be really appreciated!
I found it helpful contacting my university disability and wellbeing service. They gave me a mentor that would help me navigate these kinds of issues. She was really helpful.
Just a quick note to say thank you to everyone in the comments so much for your help! Having advice for both specific and general situations has really helped to alleviate a lot of the email anxiety I was feeling.
Hi James
Looks like you're over-thinking it, but then we are prone to that!
I was just about to tell you that I would say "Thank you for the invitation, I have prior engagements that day but would appreciate information on future similar events" and then saw that Martin had posted something like that. I always try to keep work emails concise, while including all useful information.
Don't worry about not getting social conventions for emails - in the company I work for, where most of us have known each other for years, some people will put a x at the end of emails to colleagues, but it's not a good idea to do that generally in work e-mails! If you're not sure, play it safe and keep it short but polite.
Keep any reply short, just state your case, "Thank you for the invitation, unfortunately I have prior engagements on that day. I would, however, be interested in hearing about any similar events in the future. Regards, ...."
I would just reply because they can choose to open your email or not the other end. We are all responsible for our own choices but not for those of others.
My advice is to keep your replies brief, to the point and polite.
Add a note before your signatute to say something like:
I apologise if I may seem rude or abrupt, this is not my intention. I am autistic and my social etiquette is a work in progress so I hope I have not caused any offence.
There you have it - everything said in the shortest way, all answers and information given and a safeguard in place so they don't think you are being an ass.
And stop overthinking it - Keep It Simple is the way to avoid all the anxiety in my experience.