Moderator can you please delete me.

I think many of us have regularly felt that ‘we don’t belong with people’. You are very welcome on here if you ever decide to return - most of us autistic people know loneliness at various points - and this community is a great place to feel understood and less alone. If you just don’t log in then you’re ’not here ‘ - and then there’s always the option of dropping by at some point in the future. 

I think the moderator has taken a shine to you buddy,cos you are still here.
Maybe She wants your Babies.
You nee to E-Mail Rosie at admin and you will be deleted.

I’m sorry if it’s too emotional but your post made my heart ache although I don’t know you closely but I know this feeling. Feeling of being a cancer. You are not cancer. You are human being and there is place for you, maybe you can’t find the right place or it feels like there is none but there is. Is it possible for you to have a therapy? Of course nobody can hold you it’s up to you, but maybe you can just take a break if it feels like this forum is too much currently and then return. We are here and you can return any time.

You’re awfully hard on yourself. Is there a way you can look on the bright side and stop beating yourself up? Maybe you have a low self esteem but that can be fixed. What’s the matter? You’re not a cancer at all there’s no reason to think this way. You have been drinking and hiding it from your partner. So you obviously feel you need alcohol. Why do you feel you need this alcohol so regularly that you’re hiding it? I know that I crave alcohol because I get a euphoric buzz from it that’s why I don’t drink it. Because I fall for it too easy. But sometimes I slip up and have a drink I just try again and look at what went wrong so I can prevent it happening again. And if it does happen again all that means is that I still had something I can improve for next time. It’s not the end of the world although it may seem it. You’ve got to love yourself first which is easier said than done if you’re in a low place. There’s always a way I like to think to myself anyway. You just need to find what works for you. I’m with you though. I know what it feels like to drink and lie to people I love about it. I know the shame it carries. But I can understand that something made me want to drink and it’s my job to figure that out and make things better for myself so that I don’t feel like I need it again.

It only works if your work it. Stay and just lurk if needs must. If you are thinking of leaving in a panic of self loathing it means you are on the edge of a breakthrough, which is scary, hence the "flight" instinct.

Not sure If you saw my reply to your other post, I won't be annoying and repeat myself, but I will just say that I think you should stay, nobody will judge you, these forums are here to give people support and to find other like-minded people who have or are going through the same things.

I hope whatever you decide to do it works for you and you stay safe and get through this, but please know myself and others here are sad to see you going through this and want to try and help and we can't if you leave ... 

Take care, stay strong and don't give too much time to those negative thoughts,  this will get better, but I understand it might feel like it never will. You can find a way though this however impossible it might feel right now.

I understand what you are feeling.  If you leave, you can come back.  If you stay, you can be silent and not look.

You know where we are and what this place is about.  We're not an especially "judgey" lot.  I reckon you are always welcome here, in good times and bad.

With that, I'll shut tfu.  .   .   .  and if you are insistent on leaving, I think you must email the community manager.

Be well Dogtooth.

Number.