Published on 12, July, 2020
Just found an explanation of why questions make us autistic adults nervous. I would have just said it's because I don't know what to expect, but who does? Here's the clearer explanation:
"We have to do manually what neurotypical brains do automatically...
We have to manually modify our speech patterns, facial expressions and tone of voice, so as not to come across as rude or defensive, whilst also coming up with a correct and socially acceptable answer in seconds .... And it's an exhausting balancing act." - Jaime A Heidel, The Articulate Autistic
Also, the article mentions that when we answer a question, we want to make sure we are answering with all the correct information and details, which also resonates with me.
This is relevant to all our conversation I think, not just about questions. I find that I often go over past conversations in my head, wishing I had added something or phrased something differently. I also rehearse future conversations.
This has really helped me understand why I've had problems with communication and relationships in the past, what masking is, and why I've always got tired so easily.
I was roaming forums, trying to find something to get my attention, and this did it.
All my life, it seems people are deliberately sabotaging my conversations. I am 50 now, and this has become a lot more, exhausting, as you title it.
I had a fall out with my new GP last week. Made an appointment for my OCD. She started the call by prompting me to speak about another symptom, and totally blocked me. She then proceeded for 15 minutes to rapidly fire irrelevant questions, so fast, so different to each other... it was somewhat abusive if you ask me, she should know better from my record.
On top of all that she went and wrote the wrong things on the appointment report. Ridiculous things like my appointment was for Anxiety and marked it as a new condition whereas I get anti-anxiety medication since 1994.
I raised a complaint, and I will cut it short, I spoke to 5 different people, including my Counsellor. None of them made any effort to understand me. Instead they all went just manipulating, literally sabotaging what I was saying, it became surreal, and I just ran out of fuel, I gave up.
I think, in my case, at 50, this has become more problematic than it was in my youth. I am attributing that on the fact most health professionals are unaware what autism is. They may have done a Level 3 at best on mental health and somewhere amongst the conditions they read two pages of bullet points about ASD. But other than that, they either see a child in a tantrum or an older adult, like a grumpy old man.
So imagine the ordinary folks out there. Yeah...
What i'm trying to say is, eventually you get tired being exhausted, and sooner or later maybe see it's easier going numb and quite. And thats the problem I guess for any age, if you dont have people around you to take notice of that.
I grew up in the 80s, and there was no way to get involved with the autistic community as its possible to do today. Heck, I dont even think there was a community for autism in Greece in the 80s, just stigma. One word, a thousand wounds. Maybe the new generation is more fortunate, but then again, considering how Neurotypicals see us, truth is nothing changed since the beginning of time.
I also struggle to get my point across in communication whether it be b in a social or work situation. In fact at work I am often accused of being aggressive, passive aggressive or rude an arrogant. I have asked for help before to be told it was my fault and I had to communicate properly. Hence I have not been to my workplace for over a year. I was told when I requested adjustments that I should be well aware of my problems because I've been autistic all my life!!!!
I only got diagnosed a year ago today and was totally unaware before that so how could I know. I had spent my life masking to try and fit in and not stand out from the crowd, people pleasing and confused as to why life sucked.