Published on 12, July, 2020
We went there yesterday and it was all retired people except for one other man who was going for the first time and also, I think, someone with mental health issues, though unlike myself, he didn't come across as Autistic.
Some of the people there were very nice, I however felt very stilted in their company, as I do generally with most people. I felt a dislike for myself because I was struggling to smile at people and think of anything to say and couldn't decide where to look or who to look at and felt awkward.
I don't think I'll go again, the main reason people go is to talk and be friendly which is what I also wanted to be a part of but I felt utterly like a fish out of water. I feel a little upset because my social worker helped set that group up and seemed convinced going there would be good for me as there would be no women I could fall in love with (his words) and he thought nobody there would pose a risk to me.
The thing I find most difficult about social clubs is I tend to want to talk about things specifically, such as what I'm interested in or have been thinking about, and others there are spontaneous and talking about, for example, a coot that was spotted nesting under a water fountain and a swan that was pecking at a dog, neither of which I found very interesting, but were both a source of amusement to others in the group. This left me feeling mean towards the others as I simply wasn't interested and also bored.
I think this is a little bit of a sad thing that well meaning people who don't have ASD suggest. I understand a lot of people see exercise and social interaction as important, but these things only really work if you feel a part of a "tribe".
Someone said that to me recently about finding a "tribe" and it resounded quite a lot. The idea of being surrounded by people who think like you, are motivated and interested in things that you do, that sense of belonging and being a part of something is so important. My own thoughts is that when you are ASD you are automatically in a minority. The way that "we" think (ASD) tends not to be the same as neurotypical, so it's even harder finding our tribe.
Do you have something which you like more than anything else?
Walking is Ok, I don't mind walking, but for a social group I think I would want to have something more interesting to be a part of.
My opinion (and it's only that) is to keep going to the walking group for the moment. I agree seeing a ***orange-tipped wobbler lark hawk*** isn't going to rock your world. Getting a little exercise, chatting about anything, might just start a conversation you were interested in.
For me I really like horror films, I know not for everyone, but if one day I happened to mention I watched The Wicker Man last night, and someone pipped up and said "OH! I love the Wicker Man!" then we'd probably be best friends after that
It takes time to know new people.
If there is a local group that does interest you?
Is there a place (like a community café, or pub) which might put on a special night that does interest you?