Published on 12, July, 2020
One of the things that I have noticed a lot is that whatever a person does that is wrong or inconveniences me, it’s somehow my fault for the other person’s actions. For example, I have being dealing with someone who is indecisive about things he wants and he works me up and I motivate myself to want to do things with him and then he backs out and if I get upset because his decision affects me and he doesn’t want to compromise so we both get what we want, I am somehow the problem and everything is my fault, even though I know deep down this person will just change their mind again and go right back to wanting to do whatever we have discussed. It’s like “How’s that my fault?” I don’t know if anyone has had any similar experiences like this as an Autistic person but it definitely is something that I have noticed a lot.
Don't doubt Yourself buddy.YOU know You, they don't have a clue.
What I'm gonna say is things I've mostly learnt from this life changing video, watch if interested, highly highly recommend it.
youtu.be/pFg1ysJ1oUs
Feeling like everything is my fault or in my control has definitely been a struggle for me, it used to be so much that I thought it was some type of OCD, responsibility OCD maybe. I had an inflated sense of responsibility and an irrational idea of control, learning that control is, if not completely but almost non existent, has been a huge help. First I learnt the obvious ones, like how I'm not responsible for big disasters or saving the world (yes, I actually used to think like that), now I've learnt that I don't even have control over me, being alive for me, is now the same as watching the rain or experiencing an earthquake; I am watching myself with my consciousness, and similar to how I can't control earthquakes, I really don't have free will over me, like how we autistics will never be like allistics, no matter how much we try, we don't have free will here.
This means I'm more compassionate in general, cause others' behaviors and actions are predetermined too, this has given new meanings to being angry at others or feeling guilty and honestly everything. It also means that I don't feel 'pride' in the same way at all, and I compare and judge way less.
So I guess in your situation, it would be to learn how little you can change others, no matter how much I try, some will always find me upsetting or dissatisfying, their reactions and feelings are completely outside my control.