Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I am just really struggling to handle change I just can’t cope with it. Last night I was supposed to to have gone over my friends for a Chinese and film night a nice chill evening snuggling up to one of my closest friends but then he cancelled saying he wasn’t up for it and I just lost it I begged him to change his mind we argued and I went into meltdown. Then I calmed down tried talking to him explaining that I can’t cope and that I needed to see him as we had plans to see one another but he just told me to back off and said he wasn’t up for it as he wanted to be alone we are both on the spectrum and we clash a lot but even though we clash we always make up in the end. Anyway I just couldn’t cope with the change of plan I tried doing something else like I went to a gaming evening and played blood on the clock tower which is a social game where you have to guess who the demon in the group it helped for a short while but when it ended I just lost it again and I tried everything to explain to my friend that how much change affects me long story short we are still friends but he wants a time out and has blocked my number and this has affected me more with my emotions. I’m used to it we clash we make up it’s the way we are but I just want him to understand I can’t handle change well. Is anyone else like me with change and how can I handle it better and how can I help him understand how much change affects me? Please bare in mind we are both autistic we both have high functioning autism.
Rach91 said: Last night I was supposed to to have gone over my friends for a Chinese and film night a nice chill evening snuggling up to one of my closest friends but then he cancelled saying he wasn’t up for it
A female snuggling up to a make friend is possibly causing some sexual tension even if that wasn't your intention. It is quite possible that this could be why your friend is having closeness issues.
If you just want him in your friendzone then it is important to agree this with him - I know it has been an issue for me when I was in my early 20s. He may be leaving your snuggle sessions with a boner that he doesn't want and is embarrasing for him.
The fact that he is autistic too will not diminish his libido, but may well make it hard for him to discuss it. I would think that a clear discussion to set boundaries is important.
Even if you are on a casual sexual relationship basis, the boundaries are important to set as neither of you seem to deal with ambiguity well.
For your issues in dealing with change - they are your issues so get a therapist to help you deal with them. You can see they are unhelpful and damaging so the therapist can teach you techniques to deal with this and accept a degree of them within your life.