Do you struggle to explain what you need from other people?

Mountain Goat said:

I get it when visiting doctors where I end up talking about something "Default" just to gree my mind up so I can talk, otherwize I can't even think about what I wanted to talk about... The real reason for my visit!

I'll focus on practical help here. Sorry if has been so difficult for you but I hope these suggestions help.

1 - Write stuff down. If you are going to meet someone for a specific purpose, write down the questions and likely responses to their questions in a nice, easy to follow layout and take it with you.

Give the people advance warning of your approach if you can, but if not give them a card at the start that says you may be reading from your script as you suffer from difficulties in face to face interaction and may read a pre-prepated response since responses are difficult for you.

This should cover the bulk of the interactions and where there is other stuff you need to reply then have a second card that says "I may have to write to you afterwards with an answer to this as I have trouble giving an accurate response in this situation".

2 - For stuff like the exams, when submitting them, put them in an envelope with the teachers name, the exam it is being submitted for, your name and the date - this is likely to mean it gets forwarded to them correctly when/if you mess up. Just make sure you tell whatever organisation it is that you have prosopragnosia.

3 - for driving you really need to get a good handle on this or you are at risk of killing someone. It isn't a risk you should ever take unless you prepare - maybe make a ritual of before going to the car to check when you last had rest, if you feel phsically fine and take a mild stimulant (strong coffee, energy drink or whatever you like) before starting. Ideally have some on hand in case you need the same to return home.

For long trips, map your energy out before hand so you don't have any risk of collapse during the trip. Keep sugary sweets on hand as well as energy drinks just in case.

Since you know you have this issue you may need to disclose it to your insurers otherwise you could get into a lot of trouble if you are involved in a crash.

Are we supposed to be human? Hehe! "Woof woof?" Hahahaha!

Often find with writing things, I write and write and write... Doctors want bullet points. That is difficult! I write round the world and back! 

I had to give up driving for a while because the anxiety was so bad, I was having nightmare after nightmare, 2 or 3 a night all the same, I was always a nervous driver, I didn't learn until I was 36 and as I can't ride a bike I'd never been a road user. It was a big learning curve, I was lucky my 4th instructor was really good and I passed on my 3rd attempt. I had CBT for the driving thing and I can drive again now, as long as I know where I'm going and don't go on motorways, I totally lose it on motorways..

Can you write things down to ask the GP? Do it in stages so you don't forget stuff, get overwhelmed etc?

 You know what brainfreeze is! I call it "Mindblank". I am glad to know that it is not just me who gets it. 

I get it when visiting doctors where I end up talking about something "Default" just to gree my mind up so I can talk, otherwize I can't even think about what I wanted to talk about... The real reason for my visit! It took me two whole years due to this just to ask a doctor if I was on the spectrum (Was trying to find out what the shutdoens were before I knew what they were called as I had almost given up on life and was desparate to find out what was wrong with me. It took another four and a half years wait to be assessed as I was fast tracked because of a house move to an area that had much shorter waiting lists. I was soo annoyed with myself due to not being able to ask due to mindblank, that for a while I wanted nothing to do with autism, but then I was researching about prosopragnosia which I know I have and my Mum has (Don't think there is an official assessment for prosopragnosia in the UK as when I mentioned it to a doctor that it was a problem she said "So?" as if it didn't matter! (It was the reason for me failing collage as I kept getting zero marks as I handed in the work into the wrong teachers which made me not bother to even try because I assumed the lecturers were against me because I reasoned I should have at least had some marks, though I was far too shy to ask why I had zero marks).  But doctors do not believe it is a problem that can effect ones life. Shutdowns are worse though, especially when they push one into burnout which takes years to recover. I am slowly recovering but want to be fully recovered back to where I was before 2019 when I had the last big burnout.  Doctors know nothing much about this as I went through burnout after burnout and I could not talk about them as I dis not know how to even describe what I was going through. I kept begging my Mum to ask a et to look at me because I reasoned they could examine me without me needing to talk. I have had second thoughts about that though as someone pointed out where vets stick the thermometer to take the animals temperatures. I know all too well the looks some of our cats and dogs gave us in the past! Their eyes eaid it all! 

It took me three whole days of watching every single youtube video about prosopragnosia while trying to avoid the "Ask An Autistic" one as I was frustrated I kept getting mindblank when I tried to ask, and I only had that ladies video left on the whole of youtube, so I watched it after three days of watching everything else!  And she said something like 80% of those with prosopragnosia are on the autism spectrum.  I booked anotherdoctors appointment as I was determined as for me it was life or death as I had come to the end of what I could do, as I could hardly work even low hours part time any more! I had to wait three weeks for the appointment and I took my Mum in and told her what to ask if I had mindblank. Yes, I had mindblank! Mum had to ask! 

Was clear that doctors don't know what shutdowns are, but at least she put me forward to be assessed. I had thought she could give me a YES/NO answer to if the shutdowns I was trying to describe (Without success) were autism related and if I was on the spectrum. Did not know I had to wait four and a half years to find out! (Actually found out what the shutdowns were earlier but by then I hit another major burnout and was in a mess which is the last time I worked. If I had known about autism and would have been assessed there and then when I first needed the help, I would have been able to keep working as I would not have pushed myself way too far which caused me to mentally collapse. But I didn't know the damage I was doing to myself. One very much feels like one is on one own at times because one can't describe inner feelings into words.  Example is today. I did not realize I was overtired due to lack of sleep at night until it hit mewhile I was driving, where my reactions were effected, so I went to find somewhere to pull in (Mum needed to go shopping) and had a brief sleep in the car. Did not feel tired at all until I realized something wasn't right. No. I would not suddenly sleep! Haha! I go physically numb hours before that stage! It was more I did not have the ability to feel tiredness until I had to search my inner feelings to work out what it was that my body was telling me. Is why I am now lying on my bed as I type this. Other people "Feel" tired. Before I hit several burnouts I was more in touch with feelings, but still some feelings I die not know what they were. Most of my life I havehad a certain feeling that hit me in kornings before school, collage or work, and it meant I had difficulties walking. Was ok driving and ok cycling as my mind was on other things, but not walking as the inner feeling hit and stopped me walking. Only decades later did I recently put two and two together. The feeling is anxiety! Anxiety stops me walking. 

When driving, I am focussed on driving so anxiety does not hit, as I relax when driving,  but when I reach my destination I can be stuck in the car and not be able to get out to walk.

I literally find it impossible to articulate what I want from others.

Mountain Goat, I do that too, filling in forms will reduce me to a jibbering wreck faster than almost anything else, time and space seem to warp when people try and help me, they ask me questions I can't answer, ask me for things I don't have, get cross with me because of it which makes it all worse. Then to put the tin lid on it after all this trauma, my claim gets refused, then I get really cross with the person who's made me do this form filling as I've usually told them I'm not elligable or it won't work.

Not being at all tech savy people get cross with me, or listen to me, then tell me about all the wonderful things they can do for me online which I can't access, then I'm told I'm being difficult. Online forms are even harder than paper ones as you don't seem to be able to practice or undo mistakes.

I don't think many people understand the sort of brain freeze that happens when you're overloaded with information and questions especially from the well meaning, it can feel abusive, because they won't stop trying to cajool you into doing things. Telling someone who's scared, in a panic and has brain freeze that theres nothing to be afraid of and that this needs to be done in a slightly scolding voice, is enough to make me flip, I will either run away and hide until it feels safe to come out, if I can't runaway then I sometimes hide under tables or beds or something and if people try and touch me or drag me out, then I tend to come out fighting as I've tried flight and only fight is left and I'm quite good at fighting and it dosen't end well for anyone.

I don't know what to say so people assume all is ok, and in a way it is, but in a way it is not ok as I neglect things, as I tend to ignore what I dont want to cope with. (Trying to cope with things is where anxiety ans shutdowns hit, so to avoid having them I just ignore things and situations. Example. I "Should" be claiming things like PIP and if the process was something I was ready to cope with I would claim it, but someone telling me "You need to do this or that to claim it" means I will just ignor claiming it because the stress of going through the process of claiming it is too much.  Someone I know who is on the spectrum has help with everything as he contacts people and follows instructions without stress. I just hide away as I can't do it. (Went for years with no income after several burnouts because I did not know what was happening to me as I did not know I was on the spectrum, and I could not cope with life after or during burnouts, so I would quit jobs and sell a few posessions now and then to survive. Fortunately the autism people and a lady fro Mind (Mums friend whonis now housebound so can no longer do it) helped me. If it wasn't for them I would not have been able to claim the £360 something a month I am on (Universal Credit) which I am greatful for, as the stress of trying to sell posessions and not knowing if they would sell is quite high... Not as high as online forms are. I was ok before it all went online!)

Reality is that self help does not work with people like me when I need the help. When I don't need the help and I am doing ok,  I don't need the self help advice, as I roughly know what to dp or how to find things out myself. I more that I can't cope with doing that when I need the help as I ignore things to keep the stress down.

Sounds like you need to learn ways to be more assertive - it works not just with asking for what you want, but also for being more disciplined in your own head to cut through the BS and identify what it is you actually want.

It made a big difference for me, especially as there is lots of role play in the right sort of assertivness training course that make you face up to the stuff we typically struggle with - time after time until you get it right, but each time we fail we get a team analysis of what went wrong and the collective support to try it again.

Once you get that breakthrough it makes so much difference but the path is a difficult one, or it was for me.

Probably the biggest single take away from that was how to deal with your own thoughts - effectively self discipline which as an autist makes a world of difference.

I find a lot of people make things difficult, there are times when I feel like screaming 'just treat me as a human being!'

Sometimes in real life situations, I want to go "I'll get back to you" or "I can put it in a text for you later".

Because I want to get it right.

For sure.

I get too easily tongue-tied. Like whenever I had to explain that I needed a new phone; and for the guy to put the SIM in my old phone into the new one.