Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm in my mid 20s. I don't know if I would consider myself to have ever had a permanent, full-time job.
In my late teens, I did some volunteering. My first paid job was at 22 where I was a runner on a TV show. I ended up working with them for five months, mostly on a part-time basis (two days a week) but it was manageable for me. Surprisingly, given the long commute (hour either way) and long hours (10) but I guess two days a week offsets that.
I did a bit more in the TV industry but it was all very intense and I didn't last much longer. Also, it was freelance, and therefore contract based. Not really ideal if you're wanting stability. The opportunities didn't come so easily to me because I was after something which wasn't 5 days a week, 12 hours a day.
It was 2.5 years ago that I last had a paid job. I've done freelance/ad-hoc things in the meantime. More recently, I began looking in a different direction: I reached out to a theatre company in my area as I thought that could be a possible route. I've always been into performing arts anyway.
I had a meeting with someone who set up some shadowing in a primary school. He goes in and runs drama lessons for 5-7 year old kids once a week and I was there to, I guess, get a sense of what it's about and also just to be doing something cos it had been ages. I did that on two occasions, and had another meeting yesterday with someone at the company, and I sat in (and joined in with) a group of young people (with disabilities) who were preparing something.
I'm in a weird position where I don't know if I'll have the mental or physical capacity to do a job, and that's without knowing what the job in this field even is for me. Admittedly I've not made life easy for myself as I physically can't do jobs I don't enjoy - I'd back out after a few days, if that. However, I know there's something here that I can at least explore. I guess it's scary because I'm so out of practice; it feels so long ago that I was studying 5 days a week or whatever (well, it was long ago!) and I almost can't believe I managed that when I was younger.
I'm 62 and I still don't what I want to do when I grow up. To be honest I think its a bit daft to have just one thing anyway, you change throughout life and different things inspire you, most people will have had 2 or 3 different careers by the time they get to my age, the whole idea of a job or career for life seems strange these days. But if you feel drawn to something then go for it, it might not work out, but then it might and you will have a successful and fulfilling career. Don't let the "what if's" get the better of you, that's a part of you thats afraid of success, we all have one, but what if you're brilliant!
At age 53, the only reason why I stayed in supermarket retailing for 30 years (and 17 years in one of these here in the U.K.) was that I was bullied and manipulated out of doing anything else, coming from an Irish Catholic background - of the hardest lessons that I’ve had to learn the hard way and to accept, is that bullies always win and always get away with their bullying behaviour, bullies can paint you as “negative” when this is not the case - and they can also make it look like you are the problem, the one that has the attitude problem, while also plausibly denying the fact of their bullying and manipulative behaviour
Yes, the what ifs are difficult. I thought I had a clearer idea but now I'm questioning everything.