Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi. My name is Kitty, I'm autistic. I struggle with the loss of my sister. She's been gone nearly 10 years and I still can't process it. My parents and my brothers have all seemingly moved on but I still miss her as much as I always have and often think about her and wish she was still here. I remember all the fun times we had and our talks and it's hard to push that from my mind.
When my Gran died it wasn't nearly as bad because I wasn't as close to her but with my sister it's been hard to accept what happened and that she's gone. It's like my brain tries to understand and process it but it can't accept it.
That's what it feels like.
It was suggested to me to create a memory box and then I can look through it at her possessions and pics but I haven't done this yet. I'm not sure if it will work or not.
I have started working at a nursery with little children and though I find this work absolutely exhausting, I do enjoy it and it's helping me cope better with the loss I've noticed.
Working is hard to keep up but I waited so long to get a job and my employer is understanding of my autism and my situation with my grief so I really don't want to screw up this opportunity!
💕Kitty💕 said:with my sister it's been hard to accept what happened and that she's gone.
Hello Kitty, I'm sorry this is hard for you.
It is not uncommon for autists though as many of us have a hard time connecting to the more complex emotions, including grief, so we do not process them in the way that neurotypicals often can.
My advice is to find a therapist who has a good understanding of autism and grief counselling and work through this issue with them. They are likely to have knowledge of techniques that will work for you.
I would expect this to involve a lot of talking through things with them which can be hard for us too, but it is the best way to make those connections, to experience the block that is stopping you from accepting the loss fully and to find a way to move past this into a place where it is no longer holding you back.
There are likely to be tears, blowing of noses and painful experiences (mostly for you, not the therapist) but this is often what is required to find that connection - in fact the connection to these emotions is often the way to process the more complex issue of grief and loss.
However, the result is worth it in my opinion. It creates a healthier emotional balance and should help you move on to celebrating your sisters life rather than mourning her loss.
This is just my opinion however and how I processed the death of my father.
Hello! Sorry about your loss. Definitely do whatever feels right to you, I don't think there's a right way to grieve. I've gone through a form of it.
I'm glad you have something helping you through it.