Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m female 20 years old. People are constantly twisting my words. I live with my grandma, I’ve been burnt out my whole life, people expect so much effort from me but I’ve given all I can give. I’m so tired, there’s just nothing left inside me, I’m just a shallow husk of a human being. They all say “nobody knows you better than you know yourself” but then argue with me every time I try to tell them what’s happening with me. Grandma will constantly say, “you were so bubbly and happy for the last three days what changed???” And I explained that she’s been too hard on me lately and expects too much out of me and she just clapped back with “oh for Pete sake you just want everything your way and you never care about anyone else” and then I’m always accused of being “angry” and “irate” when I’m really just mentally and emotionally exhausted and am desperate to be heard. Other neurodivergent people get me. But these people I’m with don’t. I have nowhere else to go, I have no life, I’m completely miserable, and they just keep saying I need to try harder and I am “capable of more than what I give myself credit for” It’s completely hopeless nobody is ever gonna hear me… she insists on a professional diagnosis before she will listen but then then says “you probably have autism” but then she won’t read anything I give her online, things I actually resonate with. She doesn’t wanna hear it and her response is “those psychologists don’t know you!” But then why do I relate to everything being talked about??? I’m at a loss, she’ll say “you just wanna lay around and do nothing while everyone else does everything for you!” And I’m like no.. I’m just autistic and I CANT do those things I’m too TIRED!! And she’s like “well if you’re that bad then you need to go somewhere to be treated” NO I DONT!! I JUST NEED TO BE LISTENED TO! Someone please help me…
Absolutely relate... I don't feel lonely on the internet but people I'm with, oh they are just, so confusingly dismissive.
Also around the same age, I'm 22, and can't afford to live on my own so I'm stuck. I know the pain.
Or at least give the space to think clearly.
I hear you, I'm listening and I've been through similar things, there's no easy answers. But as Uhane says is there anyway you can live independently? Could you rent yourself a holiday let and just go and be alone for a week or two? I know it wont' fully recharge your batteries or solve the problem, but it might give you respite.
PrincessSparklePony said:When people won't hear you out and just judge you I'd ignore them if I was you. That's what I do with people like that in my life cause otherwise it's a waste of my time and energy trying to explain it.
When people won't hear you out and just judge you I'd ignore them if I was you. That's what I do with people like that in my life cause otherwise it's a waste of my time and energy trying to explain it.
This usually doesn’t go well for me sadly, it just makes NTs more angry that I am ignoring them when they aren’t listening.
PrincessSparklePony said:People can be really dismissive and it hurts. I understand having family who don't want to listen and hear you out. I'm glad you found this community because at least here we all understand what it's like. Talk here and your will be heard and understood.
People can be really dismissive and it hurts. I understand having family who don't want to listen and hear you out. I'm glad you found this community because at least here we all understand what it's like. Talk here and your will be heard and understood.
Yep. Here you can be heard and listened to.
If people took the time to understand it would make a huge difference but trouble is no one ever takes the time to even try and see it from my side.
They don't have the luxury of wearing my shoes so they can't begin to imagine what it's like.
I hope you're ok and feel supported here. What your feeling is completely justified, don't listen to anybody who tells you otherwise.
Deleted user... said:My advice is to ignore them and carry on with your life.
It’s hard to ignore when your needs aren’t being met and respect. It’s hard to ignore when people who claim they love you, especially family, can’t even make the tiniest effort to accommodate to you.
Good morning and welcome to the forum.
Slightly off topic....this is long
This what happened in 2020 before COVID was declared:
Used to have a meeting before started at the library where used to volunteer (now gone to pot); this unfortunate day it was cancelled at short notice due to sickness.
The young administrator explained to me in person what happened. Also I'd emailed her to say thank you for explaining what happened.
Out of the bloom I had to attend a meeting as someone said we need to talk. Also I was told not to contact the young administrator as doesn't know what to do with the emails. That was her apprenticeship training.
Afterwards I returned home, emailed the person saying this wasn't expected and no reply back. The reason was that there was an incident.
My shock horror was that the local charity went behind my back, told the board of directors that they're concerned about my welfare. Told the person to step back. Plus told me to get counselling.
Also the local charity CEO was going sign post me to another organisation (made up story);
I ending up making a GP appointment and asked me why do the local charity were concerned about my welfare? My reply was I don't know.
The person did this to me was someone I knew for a longtime.
Most of the charity staff left due to burn out. Now they got new staff members and one stole money to fund her lifestyle and days out with her child.
I did tell my friends and listening services what happend. Told me they shouldn't of done this.
Still go there despite haven't forgiven them yet. I go to a community group now when I can.
I was a volunteer there and wasn't the only one got treated like this.
I've got a friend who moved back to my town and in the past wanted to meet me all the time. One occasion she missed the train and thought I was in. Family member tried to explain I wasn't home and friend thought I was out for the day.
In 2021 Family member banging onto me to find a job and forced me go to a job fair. I'd literally froze. Asked why I was crying and said out loud having dark thoughts. Nobody helped me. Basically said i can't carry on like this. Loads of people are being made redundant and businesses in administration. In 2020 before COVID was declared i had a nasty comment (by a family member); saying i may need to use a food bank, the way im carry on. Really unacceptable answer.
In 2022, a relative had this idea to send me a cheque so I could do a hiking holiday (covid is still around. May ask for my share back); or do a residential training course.
I'd declined it and still don't understand. One time they came over to stay nearby. Showed them whst I'd made and first words were you should sell that (bit like the antique roadshow, where family thinks you should sell it, to get the money); think they don't understand.
Another occasion nearly forced me to do book binding. Then turned nasty saying forget we had this conversation and trying to plan for your future. I was crying and self harmed again. Listening services and my friends said they shouldn't of done this.
Family members thought that the community group is just for retired people. Absolutely not as anyone can turn, women only and all ages. Now they've cotton on as its something I enjoy doing. The other day a family member asked me do i still enjoy going? Thought be careful as maybe small talk or trying to coax me out.
In 2023 same relatives sent a cheque for a rare pension contribution top up. I felt absolutely sick doing this. I was told each year would have a cheque to save or spend it. Family are worried as the relative hasn't made a will yet (instructions when you've died);
I'd briefly told a community group member what happened. Absolutely mortified.
Ive been hurt by two former employers who dont understand the word autism. Now finding the community group helpful. Still feeling wary. Least just get on with the task.
A former friend used me a search engine, got herself into debt and made up stories. I suggested volunteering or go to a support group. Out of the bloom, said dwp told her off doing volunteering. That definitely made up.
I still keep on getting people asking do you work? How you're supporting yourself? Think it's can't think what to say or scatty.
My advice is to ignore them and carry on with your life.
I feel the same way. This is the problem with NTs they expect Autistic people to not be Autistic and “fixed” because they want us to be like them and not ourselves. I find this even worse coming from minority groups, particularly the NT LGBTQ+ community who should understand that, based on their history, they were once considered the same thing, they were considered a “mental illness” that needed to be “fixed” and they are now asking the world to accommodate to them and accept them and let them live as themselves, which is no different than what we Autistics want, and it’s very hypocritical. One of the things that irritates the living c**p out of me is having neurotypical thinking put on me when I’m not neurotypical. It’s constant frustration dealing with NTs cause they think we want everything our way when it’s not that. For me it’s just simple, make a compromise that gives both people exactly what they want which is the easiest way to handle things and then they project it on me that I want just my way when they are trying to get their way cause how is compromising so both people get their way just me getting my way? It’s frustrating af!
Can you live independently? When they begin to argue, walk away. Find new allies who know how to listen!
zengel-420 said:They all say “nobody knows you better than you know yourself” but then argue