Shout out to other autistic people with autistic children

Both myself and my son are autistic (Asperger’s). I understand exactly what you mean. My son is now an adult but I’ve never needed an explanation of his “strange behaviours” or why he says some things or reacts to others. I know how he feels. I am, as yet, undiagnosed but when my son came along, everything I’d never understood about myself just slotted into place and past events that had baffled me became clear and continue to do so by accompanying my son on his Asperger journey.

Our shared love of football is one of my bonds with my son too

Just to add that’s where my name came from….. taking 5 minutes out !!!

Hey Billy 

Could you not do some calming things together to regulate yourself as well as your son? There’s crafts, colouring clay, Lego. I find those things calming as well as my son.
I am in that same situation. I have 2 boys one of which is autistic. I have been very consistent about being mindful and it helps me to know I’m doing the right thing. I do have my moments but I just take myself away for 15 minutes or use my meditation app to refresh. I understand your bond with your son and it’s truly amazing. I have never felt so connected to someone than I do with mine. We have only known about the autism for around 7 months and he’s 9 and I only realised I am too because of how similar we are. It’s been tough trying to make sense of it all but I love being different and am quite proud of my differences. 
That’s not to say that life can’t be a struggle. 

Nice to meet you and I hope you find your balance 

Hi. I think yours are young. Mine is now 16. I have been through challenging times. Fortunately my other half is NT so has been a support at times that have been difficult. Sometimes it helps that I understand my son when he finds things hard too. 

In some respect things have got easier but he doesn't get when I find things difficult.

It is a little challenging at the moment as my other half is waiting for a date for an operation which we are all finding hard, but my son's way of coping can be challenging.

Sometimes I have to retire to another room or go for a walk. Since lockdown I go on walks most days and fortunately have some quiet areas nearby which helps. I can empathise with you. Make the most of when your children have gone to bed before you, as that time is vital for relaxing. I am fortunate that now my son goes to sleep later than me he tends to retire to his room to give us half an hour to unwind. ( He has ADHD as well).

Just read your post and it really resonates with me as I find myself in a similar situation.

Im pretty sure you already know how difficult it can be!

When my son is having a meltdown or having a challenging time it’s extremely triggering for me as I will find it really difficult to deal with and especially if we’re are out in public which I really struggle with as I’m very awkward socially. In these situations I will always push myself and try to be the most loving and caring parent that I can be and I will just persevere and put his needs above my own in that moment which is easier said then done I know.

But the special bond I have with him such as our love of football and are similar dry sense of humour or having a cuddle watching the Simpsons, these special moments will always outshine them difficult and rubbish ones which is something I try to remind myself daily.

Just keep going, doing what your doing, I’m sure your already doing a good job!

You are so welcome! It’s one of the many reasons why I love being a member of our autistic community, we are here to support each other.

 I am so glad I have helped on your autistic discovery journey, that’s why our community is so important.

 I am monotropic too! Obviously quite common and ironic that I monotropic about being monotropic and more broadly our autistic experiences as I have a reading list full of hundreds of autistic authored articles and resources!

Happy to help you further on your autistic discovery journey too! 

There are so many impactful and insightful resources and books authored by our neurokin that are so important to know about.

Knowledge is power.

I love to help my fellow neurokin on the autistic discovery journey and another way I have been able to do that recently is via blogging for Autistic Village.

Below I have linked to a couple of my blogs if you are interested:

https://autistic-village.com/2024/02/07/my-autistic-experience-of-processing-mutism/

https://autistic-village.com/2024/03/04/processing-mutism-vs-freeze-stress-response-shutdown/

Hi, can I just say I always love your replies as you provide a lot of links I've seen on various posts and they've been so helpful for me personally. Stuff I didn't know was out there because I just simply don't know what to look for. Because of your links I've also discovered I am monotropic (think I spelt that right) in my way of thinking and engaging etc. Plus the autistic girls network and now this link above.

Just wanted to thank you because I'm personally really grateful for it.

I am an autistic mum, I have two children and my son is under SENCO and referred for autism assessment. I know he is autistic, 100% no doubt about it, other parents randomly came up to me not knowing I was autistic and said to me they had autistic children and noticed my son and thought he was autistic too. My daughter is very young at the moment but noticed she has been following a similar pattern of gross development delay as my son. My husband also has ADHD so we look for signs of that too in the children. I know for me personally some of my autistic traits overlap with his ADHD traits. 

What we've been doing is making sure that our children's needs are met, good example we won't force them to eat certain foods and pass it off as being fussy. I will always give an alternative. To some people I'm sure it would appear I was giving in, but I know from experience as a 37 year old woman I still do not like the foods I rejected when I was 3/4 years old. I got starved because I was seen as fussy, resulted in me being taken away from my mother. So being an autistic mum to potential autistic children (until he finally gets seen on waiting list) I have lived experience of being an autistic person and I see that as an advantage to them. Same for my husband with ADHD, he was treated appalling growing up and he remembers it all vividly, so he knows what should be done to help etc.

From the negative side of things, I often feel like I'm a failure because I can't do things I see other people do with their children. I've tried and I end up having a panic attack in public places and crying and it becomes too much. So we do things that takes everyone's needs into consideration. There are times when my husband tells me go upstairs and stay up there for the night and relax because he knows I'm experiencing sensory overload and burnout. It helps me massively and I always feel guilty for it because it feels at times that he is both their mum and dad because I struggle. And no matter how much I say this to him he understands and tells me not to worry as he understands (he experiences the same types of sensory overload and burnouts as me but from an ADHD perspective). 

So yeah, taking each day as it comes.

Hi, I’m a mother of a two year old, I think she is probably NT like her daddy, however I noticed her lining up toys, shoes, other stuff. Maybe it’s normal for this age, I’m observing her. She makes a lot of noise, so for me it’s challenging but earplugs save me. I always use the time when she is sleeping to have my only me time. She needs a lot of attention and quite often I get overwhelmed by just playing with her. My husband mentioned something about some siblings for her to play but I feel like then I would probably buy a one way ticket to Mars or Moon. 

Hi! I hope you will soon gain a response from other autistic parents here, but in the meantime you may want to explore the Autistic Parents UK charity:

https://www.autisticparentsuk.org/

The charity offers lots of different services including in person and online support groups.

I apologise if I have previously suggested this charity and it hasn’t been useful.

 I hope this helps!

I'm not a parent but I wanted to say that you're doing really well and are an amazing person. You should be so proud for how well you're doing. I definitely couldn't cope being a parent.