Emotional Attachment Bonds In Autistic Adults: Why’s This Not Talked About?

When I was a child I had formed a strong emotional attachment to my grandmother. If she left me to go to the store I would have a fit the entire time until she came back and when she died when I was 10 it was the end of the world for me. I can’t go to her grave because I lose my mind and every fiber of my being just wants to lay there and die just to be with her again. Since then I have had only one attachment to someone that is just as strong and because there’s not a lot about it and it’s only a “stereotype” of Autistic children, it’s hard for the neurotypical who I have the bond with to see how much trust that means that I have for them and understand it, even now I fear saying more about it because I don’t want it to get misunderstood and I just don’t know why these emotional attachment bonds aren’t discussed and only Autistic children are seen with these bonds and no one has an issue with it but if it’s an adult who’s Autistic that has the same thing it’s like no one wants to be understanding about it at all. I just don’t understand why Autistic adults having this isn’t discussed much?

  • I'm sure it is talked about, within wider topics.

    E.g. one of the recent ones I've had to deal with is my therapist. Transference is a thing within the therapy sphere, and it almost definitely happens to neurotypical people as well.

  • Oh, I don’t like the term transference. I just looked it up and it mentions erotic stuff and those aren’t the type of bonds I have as I didn’t want to do anything erotic with my grandmother.

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  • Nor have I until now, but it's because it's a different kind. Less formal, less structured, more about forming a connection. 

    The worry for me still is that I'll end up expecting too much. Like everyone in the real world is going to be like my therapist and it's all going to be (near) perfect, when it just won't.

  • Yeah, I’ve not ever had an attachment to my therapist before. There were some I liked but I’ve not ever been in love with them or bonded to them course that’s probably due to past experience and I always have my guard up with a therapist. But it’s like, what do you do if it’s a friend? It’s not like I can help it that I formed this bond with him and I would like for him to understand it more even though I don’t feel like I can explain it well.

  • I think it's usually to do with your therapist.

    Falling in love with your therapist is a common thing (even happened to me), even if you know that you're falling for an idea of your therapist, not who they actually are.