I don't know if I'm allowed to make two topics in the same week. I am so thankful for this community. I am 40 and I bring this up not to brag. . .think of Cypher in the matrix for my analogy. My IQ isn't a gift, it's a curse that allowed me to mask in the matrix for 23 years of my 40 year life. In other words, it powered my masking, higher IQ, higher and stronger mask.
It meant I gave EVERYTHING I had as a human being to EVERYONE I cared about even though I had to work at 150% for their 50% return. I am SO exhausted and even here I'm still masking my words because I brainwash myself to be that way my whole life and because I'm intelligent, I actually suffer MORE, while having to explain to them (NTs) that I'm not bragging, I'm literally beggin for understanding that greater intellect doesn't = greater life. Greater intellect for Autistics just means we burn the candle at BOTH ends until we are on the verge of death, then our choice is ACCEPT or death.
Either I accept who I am or like the 2022 Australian government report on Autism shows, we do 15-20 years before NTs. I am so burned out. I am trying so hard in severe physical pain to reach out to you guys because I've got nothing left and I'm thankful I even found this place because it's akin to finding an Oasis in a damn dessert. I hope all of you are doing better than me...I never thought I'd have the energy to find a place I could be me in. I am so new to accepting my curses and gifts and I feel like my brain is literally ripped between masking me and the current reality, which is I am never going back to masked life, so how do I learn to deal with this strife???