Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm suspecting I am on the autism spectrum, because my daughter is, and understanding her needs made me realise a lot more about myself seeming very similar. So I've been thinking a lot about what I actually do and how it wasn't as "normal" as I thought. One thing I do is basically have conversations in my head a lot, like I'm trying to imagine what the confident, neurotypical version of me would be like, does anyone else do this?
To explain further, here is what I mean. Depending on who I want to talk to, I'll feel different levels of anxiety - the more familiar I am with someone, the less anxious I'll be. But every time I will still follow this pattern:
I just don't imagine a neurotypical person doing any of this.
HI
This is exactly me and this forms part of my assessment feedback recently received for ASD diagnosis
I could have written that. I do all those things.
Although I feel I've been doing it most of my life I'd never heard the term "scripting" , makes a lot of sense.
I always run previous interactions through my head worried about who I might have upset or given the wrong impression to etc. equally I play out all the potential ways a future situation might go so I can be armed with a response. These were very rarely used.
The odd time I get into a situation I'm not expecting, anxiety is higher but I usually do ok, for example being asked to present something at work to a large audience with zero prep time.
It's positive to hear the anxiety dropped over time, I'll have to try and do this! Thanks for a great bit of advice!
pdaddio83 said:I just don't imagine a neurotypical person doing any of this.
Some do, but it is a common thing for neurodivergent people to do as we typically lack the social skills to be able to predict the flow of the conversation and like to anticipate the routes it will take so we can script our responses.
I used to do this a lot but it takes up so much energy that I found myself exhausted and wasting too much time working on things that are unhelpful.
Once I had my diagnosis of autism and read about scripting I quickly understood that stopping doing this gave a great trade off beween the stress of having to deal with conversations on the fly and expending time and energy scripting the responses that were rarely useful.
Through applying mindfulness I have found a much better balance and my anxiety is much reduced these last few years.
This is just my approach and it may not work for you.
Ann, I go through every conversation in my head afterwards looking for hidden meanings and things where I've said the wrong thing, it's exhausting and one of the reasons I limit social interactions.
Hi! I do al of those things too!! I often walk through conversations in my head but often chicken out when it comes to the actual conversation and don’t end up saying what I want to or planned. I’m really anxious about getting it wrong and one way I mask is by people pleasing and saying what I think they want to hear. I also spend ages puzzling and agonising over conversations afterwards- even conversations with friends. I worry I might have said something wrong or too much or I worry about what other people meant. It is really bad when I do not know whether the other person is the direct and honest type… because then I have to worry there could have been hidden meanings i missed
No voice in my head, but I have aphantasia.
Most conversations flit about so much it is not worth the trouble. I usually just go with what ever and makes jokes that sum up what's at the core of the matter.For example
NT friend "google took me to the wrong place! I need to have a better address but how?"
insert a bit more opining .. bla. ..Stops for breath.
ME "ask google."
Everyone has self talk going on in their heads, so it's not just ASD people, but maybe we do it more because of difficulties with socialising?
I can definitely relate! I plan out conversations in my head and then get frustrated when the other person doesn’t stick to the “script”.
Unlike yourself, I seldom map out conversations in my head due to it being impossible to predict the direction a conversation will take. The exception tends to be when I need to say something to someone that I fear may upset or anger them, in which case I will spend time thinking about how best to phrase it.
Like you, I can get distracted by my own thoughts during conversations. I think this is something that neurotypical people may possibly do as well though.
After a conversation has ended, I often find myself replaying it in my head too (the bits of it that I am still able to remember). In my case, it can often be an automatic thing, rather than because I actively want to replay those conversations.
I plan conversations, or at least snippets of conversations that I want to have, so I know what words to use when I do have the conversation. I do this over and over. I also look back and review conversations to see if I missed anything I did not pick up on at the time. I was diagnosed last year.