Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm looking for some advice I guess about how to find a sense of self or anyone who has had a similar experience.
I've been struggling recently with feeling like I don't know who I am, what traits I have, what I like etc. I have spent most of my life absorbing traits and stuff from others and now I'm at a point where I feel almost empty. I struggle with quite bad anxiety and at times depression so I find it hard to make friends or try new things. I feel like when I was younger I had less shame to be who I was and so thought I had a solid sense of self but as I've got older I experience more and more shame and so now I'm just confused and empty. Sometimes I wonder if I really like the things I like or whether it's just something I've absorbed from someone else. I feel a bit like a ghost. I hope that makes sense!
Has anyone had a similar experience? I'm trying hypnotherapy at the weekend which is last ditch attempt to try and get into my subconscious so I'm hoping that may help. For context I'm a 32 year old woman, recently diagnosed with autism, I work full time and am just recovering from burnout (although am still finding full time work hard).
I'm happy for you, I've just read your initial post which seems awfully familiar. I was 50 when I got my provisional diagnosis. Unfortunately hypnotherapy didn't work for me, whether it was me or the therapy itself. I'm currently trying acupuncture to help with chronic stress.
Bit of a late response but I've finished hypnotherapy now and remembered this post! Hypnotherapy was actually amazing and I would highly recommend. It's actually more like guided meditation than the traditional hypnotherapy you see in the media. The lady I saw tailored it to help me with anxiety and intrusive thoughts specifically and after 6 sessions I felt I didn't need it anymore it had made such a difference! Let me know though if you have any questions about it.
This article might help you: https://aane.org/autism-info-faqs/library/autism-and-the-self/
I have the same feeling of not knowing who I am or what I like. I am trying to do something about it gradually, but am struggling because by the time the weekend comes around I am usually too tired to function. It often feels as though I will only have the time and mental capacity to locate myself if I give up work, but that is a big void to jump into. I am a bit different to you as I have never really adopted the traits of other people, plumping for self-isolation instead!
I relate to this heavy. I often question who I am, what I enjoy, what is my purpose. I also find myself absorbing peoples interests etc too. I read somewhere this could be a symptom of BPD, which I've also heard is commonly given as a diagnostic to a lot of women before they're diagnosed with ASD... It just makes me wonder if I could have that or why I find myself taking on other people's personas almost.
I'm a 25 year old woman officially diagnosed autistic last year. All my life I was labelled shy and put things down to just being anxiety but obviously there was more to it.
I wish I could go back to being a kid because making friends seemed a lot more effortless and fun!
Would u mind giving an update on the hypnotherapy? Sounds interesting!
I had quite a traumatic experience last year, but ironically stripping away pretty much everything that formed my life allowed me to really think about what I actually like, want to do, who am I etc.
Obviously I wouldn't recommend going through that, but I think it may also help if you had a friend or someone close to you who could help you with it, help deconstruct all of these things.