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Coping with Autism in older age

NAS92251
7 months ago

I’m married 32 years my husband was diagnosed 5 years ago but we knew for many years . Over the last two years things have got worse. He can’t cope without regular patterns, increased anxiety struggles to work support is limited and changeable. Problems with  His short term memory and agitation has increased but GP pays lip service to it.

I’m struggling to maintain my health and cope. Yet few people outside as he doesnt have friends nor wants any see him presenting this way. Its all saved for me at home 

  • 7 months ago

    Hi

     I'm not sure I have anything helpful to say to you but your message reminded me of me and my husband :)  We were also married for 32 years. I was very lucky that he was very laid back and calm. During our time together we weren't aware of my autism. Now, with hindsight I can see how much I held him back in his life because of my fear of change and need for routines. I could also get snappy (and sometimes angry) with him if he  put demands on me to switch what I was doing and put my attention on something else. I worked a "dead end" job because I absolutely couldn't cope with going for interviews and I don't think I could have held down a full time job. This must have been annoying to him but he never complained. 

    He had friends (and I viewed them as my friends as I had none of my own) and hobbies of his own which took him out of the house (and gave me quiet time, which I really needed) Perhaps you can get some personal space in this way too - and have a routine day/time to do those things?

    Might you be able to see another GP in the practice who might take your concerns more seriously? 

    My husband was also a great "napper" so when he went for an afternoon snooze I got quiet time too. He would feel guilty for leaving me alone so he could nap but I really looked forward to that time. Looking back I can see how necessary that alone time was to me. 

    During his lifetime we weren't aware of my autism as I masked very heavily and he supported me in many ways which allowed me to pass as neurotypical. Sometimes I feel sad that I lived a lie for all those years. He died of cancer when we were in our early 50s. With my support system gone things started to slip. If heBlack heartDash was still here Im certain I would still be internalising my feelings of "wrongness" but lack the understanding of why.

    Inula

  • 7 months ago

    if he doesnt want any friends, then maybe you are all that he wants?