Published on 12, July, 2020
I see a lot of very conflict adverse inderviduals in this forum. I'd say since I was a kid sociaty has become more conflic adverse. I got in a fair few fights in school in the 80s. It was considered fairly normal for the odd fight to erupt in the playground. Part of the process of kids learing to resolve difrences with their words and controling their tempers was taking a few knocks when arguments turned into fights. Now we have a generation afraid of having an argument less someones feelings are hurt. Which means every time a verbal conflict erupts half of the room goes to cower in the corner. I truly belive phyical 'fighting' would be good therapy for young people, especialy autistic people. I'm thinking particularly in the context of orgonised sport like boxing, karate or judo. It should be part of the school curiculum that kids should have to face each other in phyisal confrontation so they can loose their fear of expressing interpersonal conflict and instead gain a healthy respect for the risks associated with physical violoence as well as an awareness of their own ability to handel people who might act violently towards them.
What do you guys think?
I find your comment interesting, as I find correspondence we receive at work these days can be of the argumentative type. There are a small number of people it seems to me who spend their life questioning everything, often without understanding something they quote that they found on the internet.
I wonder how much of employees contracted time is wasted on pointless arguments. Unfortunately in a work environment it takes away time for those who genuinely need an answer.
The Internet became our Mums and Dad's. The whole notion of 'Children should be seen, and not heard' was taken advantage of. Mum and Dad watched TV, while kids were sucked into a vortex.
Plus, school isn't the right environment for kids. It's all about creating niche groups and cliques. Divide, and conquer.
I saw a video of toddlers denied access to their iPad. It reminded me of how berserk my brother and I were on our consoles. Even treating TV game shows as football matches, with the subsequent riot afterwards; I grew up in the Eighties.
When the cat's away, the mice shall play.
1. This isn't the real world, it's an online forum. Honestly, who wants to waste time arguing here? Enough actual conflict for us to cope with in our actual lives.
2. It's a long time since most of us were at school, so what do we know?
3. Popular ideology shouldn't be confused with real life. Easily done, but misleading.
I think that one's on line presence can be very different to one's REAL LIFE presence.
What the AF is the point in trying to argue or "stand your ground" in such an UNREAL place with such UNREAL presences.....here.
It is utterly apparent to me that arguing in this place seems to get nobody anywhere......apart from the fact that there are reduced numbers here, less variety, less opportunities to learn....less interest, frankly?
I think some people like the opportunity to feel "big or clever" from "winning" an "argument" in this place.......in the same way that people like to go and kill 50 "people" in Call of Duty and then feel like they are accomplished soldiers.....who should be feared and respected...I think it is sad.
Most things "argumentative" here......are pointless falsehoods that may perhaps assist the truly weak with their self-perception of worth.
I think our real problem, these days, is that civil DISCUSSION is no longer possible without asshats INSISTING that ARGUMENTS are essential. They are not.
3+ decades ago, people were able to agree to disagree, without needing to pointlessly escalate to argument. This no longer seems possible with MANY, MANY people. It is sad.
That is what I think.
I think it is that the weapons available to the garden variety and exotic ner-do-well are much more nefarious.
I’ve read a few posts like yours on here and many about the pain of being bullied and tried hard to process my own experience.
I haven’t suffered bullying like many on here because of a weird quirk of my personality which I now believe is rooted in autism. That quirk is that I take a long time to mount any kind of emotional reaction to events so there have been a number of times in my life when people have tried to bully, intimidate or in one case attack me in the street but they have all ended the same way - I completely calmly talk to the person and, I think weird them out. I think they can’t understand why I am completely calm and not frightened and maybe think I’m a martial arts expert or something (I am not) and assume I’m not worried because I have nothing to worry about.
This isn’t me being brave or especially good at conflict, just me having the flattest affect you can imagine. But it does make me wonder if people can’t just refuse to accept intimidation without having to resort to violence.
That all said, I have many times being the victim of “teasing”. So much more subtle than violence. Are these people just having a bit of fun with me, their friend, or are they cruel bastards making fun of me.
I don’t accept the teasing any more either.
Killing with kindness.
Yes, absolutely.
Plus, growing up in Warzones made us fearful; to the Nth Degree.
As I said, in a previous post, I escaped bullying because of where I was from. However, it made me manipulative. I didn't learn to accept rejection. The reason I never had a proper relationship with a woman.
Even in football, the physicality evaporated. The Talking Heads of MSM wanted us to play like the Spanish. Eventually, our footballers lost their identity. I'm grateful to have watched a lot of VHS tapes of football from the Seventies. You had no choice but to stand up for yourself.
Boys need a healthy outlet, when approaching puberty, otherwise they'll end up Nihilists.
I can certainly relate to your 80's experiences. I didn't get into many fights (maybe 2 or 3 proper ones), but they did help build you for real life, if you know what I mean.
I'm not sure if it's still a "thing", but the more recent idea of everyone is a winner and gets a medal is so counterproductive and does more damage than good. I'm afraid the big bad world doesn't reward losers. It's the winners, the strongest, the fastest, etc that win in life. Maybe that's not fair, but it certainly is how the real world works.