The most difficult effect of bullying

I wish I could believe that. Even though I know I did the right thing in terms of therapy and working on myself etc, it just feels like it will never ever be enough.

It would be easier to dismiss something like that if it was just one person, or just a few. When everyone is against you, it's next to impossible. 

I got away from bullying, because I was from the same village as the main bullies. However, I was easily manipulated. At age 14, I was egged on to sexually harass girls at the playground; in exchange for Crisps. 

HMO said:

I know these people will think, at least in the case of the online example, that I deserved to have my life destroyed because I'd behaved badly

HMO, pretty much nobody deserves to have their life destroyed. 

People who think that, who really think that, aren't worth your time. 

I know these people will think, at least in the case of the online example, that I deserved to have my life destroyed because I'd behaved badly. Because of that, I've convinced myself that I did to get ahead of the curve.

Unfortunately I am now so far down that rabbit hole that it doesn't matter how much someone tries to tell me that I'm not the most awful human being ever lived, I'll still believe it. Because thousands of people believe it and they have so much more power.

I feel sad that you think you may have at times deserved it.  No one deserves that.  You're perception might well be right that others thought it.  When I was bullied in the school yard, the Head told me it was "all my fault" and "if I were like the other children" this would not happen. 

But no matter whether others think you deserve it, we don't have to take that on ourselves.  No one deserves to be bullied.  End of.  Truth is bullies will always pick on those who are different and let's face it we are different. Sometimes actually they are afraid we can do stuff better than them sometimes they do it because their own self esteem is low and they are trying to look big to others. 

But whatever their motive it never means you are worthless or useless.  They are the ones with a problem if they feel a need to behave like that.

I was bullied in my childhood. I desperatly wanted to look normal but bullies seemed to just pick up on the fact that I was diffrent. It was never really that physical, just minor stuff like  being shoved into people, stitting behind me in class and pushing my chair, throwing books on the floor etc. thankfully this was the 70's/80's way before the internet. Since being online I have never been bullied at all despite being outspoken on social media about some issues. Critisim just washes over me online as they are people I will never meet.

Yeah, it's hard not to feel like it's your own fault when no one is there to support you. I can't not feel like I'm a terrible person. 

Also it’s worse when it comes from someone who you thought was friendly or could be your friend

The worst is thinking it must somehow be your own fault -that you did something wrong or are just too weird or should have tried harder to fit in and therefore somehow brought it on yourself. It’s insidious. 

It's worse when the online stuff came from other autistic people. 

I'm so sorry you've been bullied and it's understandable that it's affecting you so deeply. Bullying scars and the pain can last a lifetime. I have been bullied in person and online which has caused me mental problems since becoming an adult. I find it hard to trust people now and am always suspicious of them and their intentions, though I have suffered abuse too so it might be related to that but I expect the bullying is linked in there too.

You aren't alone in this. Autistic people seem to be bullied a lot, maybe because we are trusting people and that's used against us.

i got bullied alot in high school which may have contributed to me isolating most of my life after it lol

but yeah, with me it wasnt just a single person, it was infact or did feel like everyone. everyone knew my name there and hated me even though i didnt even know them. it was weird. i guess thats a thing i dont understand about normie social circles is that once one hates you and they are connected then the entire hive mind hates and knows you.

i got verbal *** off everyone every single day, and from unexpected sources most of the time as like i said everyone knew me and hated me for some reason so each day there was always some grief off some other person i didnt even know. could be both verbal and physical. but to be fair the physical didnt bother me so much as it was simple to deal with more, i guess emotional attacks are more of a thing that is harder to defend. didnt even stop in class too and once one person said anything against me in class then the entire class sided with the person against me. i remember at the end of such a event the one person told me to die in a ditch, and that upset me at the time, she clearly meant it and wanted it and the rest of the class seemed to support it. teacher didnt give a *** but he did warn them to not do that as for all they know i may be the type to take the fire axe that was in a glass box in the room, and use it on them if they upset me like that lol

eventually all my friends did leave, one of them saying i attract too many bullies and he gets bullied for being my friend. so it did have a effect of driving off friends and making me feel alone and everyone against me. but the trick is to get better than them, im so skilled in martial arts i could beat anyone from that place now, and once i got my head in the game of life in just a single year i have likely surpassed all their economic positions and made better choices and done more with money than what they have done. 

i know one bully who was a particular pain has been arrested 2 or 3 times since... once for selling  drugs, another time for stabbing someone badly with intent to kill and yet somehow hes out now despite the horrific injury he caused someone.

Having been bullied myself and having been told that I deserved it and it was a punishment from God, that I attracted and invited this behaviour to myself by my own actions, I really feel very strongly about this issue - frankly, in many ways, bullying is no different from rape or sexual assault, rape of the mind - I firmly believe and maintain that bullying is a criminal matter and MUST ALWAYS have police involvement in ALL cases right from the start, where bullying needs to become a specific criminal offence, regardless of the ages of victims and perpetrators and in the case of child bullying, the parents of the bullies must face arrest and criminal prosecution and the victims need to be taken to a special suite similar to rape victims to gather criminal evidence - the most serious crime of bullying is so severe in its impact on victims that suspects must always be remanded in custody without bail ever being permitted before a jury trial and the sentence imposed on conviction by a court should be life imprisonment without parole and with zero credit for time served, no early release for good behaviour - this is an issue in which we have to take a very hardline, zero tolerance and zero patience approach to because of the devastating effect that it has on people’s lives, even with counselling and therapy, as a person who has been bullied is mentally scarred for life and also makes any pre-existing conditions far worse and far more difficult to deal with - the devastating effects of bullying on mental health are well known and with good reason and it is a cancer in our society that utterly destroys people’s lives that must be rooted out of our society - if we claim to be a supposedly civilised society governed by the moral law of God, how can we possibly take any other approach other than one that is resolute, utterly determined and uncompromising in removing the cancer of bullying from our midst 

Plus I think you get attacked if you don't join in. I'm not on any social media and I don't miss it. I might go back but on a private account.

It quickly felt like people were treating it as a game, like they were taking joy from it.

Unfortunately online it's a group, they follow each other, listen to each other and if someone points the finger at someone and calls them out then everybody else does the exact same thing. One starts it and the rest is like dominoes, down they go one by one. Half probably don't know who it's about, or the circumstances, they just do it because everyone else has.

I actually found the online part more difficult to deal with. I didn't think I'd say I'd prefer the school bullying - at least in that case, I know I didn't do anything wrong aside from existing.

It'd be easier to brush off anything horrible if I had a protective shield around me. I have very rarely had that.

My argument was always "I messed up, so I basically asked for it" but I don't think there's any justification for having thousands of strangers screaming at you, feeling like everyone is against you. I still feel like it - there was no one in my personal life who properly validated how I was feeling, and there still hasn't been.

I appreciate your kind words. I'm not coping particularly well but I'm glad I have my therapist. 

I was bullied at school. I was pale, had a natural deep voice, wore gloves all the time because of skin sensitivity and my mum was mentally ill so I was a prime target for bullies to go for.

Bullying can have an overwhelming negatively impact on a person and in later life can cause things like depression, social anxiety, PTSD and more. When someone bullies they don't think about how it might affect the person they are bullying, then again they often have their own problems already, hence they are bullying.

On one day in particular the bullying went from verbal to physical. It was unexpected and just escalated. I hadn't said anything, I always stayed silent and waited for the insults to pass but on this day they physically attacked me, hitting and pulling my hair. There were several other girls nearby, only one actually moved in to help and she ended up with a bleeding nose and lip.

After that day I now knew why no one before had stepped in to help me when they fired insults. I felt so sorry for that girl and I felt even more ashamed because I felt like it was all my fault.

Online I think people are scared of being attacked and losing their popularity status if they help out. I don't do social media anymore though. Way, way too toxic an environment.

I'm sorry you've been bullied. It's really unfair and people do care about you it's just very few are willing to get involved for different reasons.

I hope you're ok x