Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm the child of an autistic parent (Dad) he is a really good parent, but being his child has posed a lot of challenges.
Here's two examples:
My family and I were spending time together and playing the game cards against humanity. So I pulled a card that said 'I am covered in *blank*' my dad didn't understand the premise of the game and thought it just was stating a fact about a person. His response was "Oh, you're covered in pimples!" I have struggled with acne most of my teenage life, and I am deeply insecure about it. I tried to play it off, but I ended up sobbing about it later.
Another time my dad commented on my weight. Some context, I have a gluten allergy, and when I eat it my face gets puffy and my stomach gets very bloated. I had accidentally eaten gluten and when my dad saw me he says, " I don't understand what happened to you, last week you were skinny and beautiful but this week you aren't. I don't get it how did you gain so much weight so quickly?" Here's the thing, I actually hadn't gained weight, my body was just inflamed from an allergic reaction. I already felt terrible about how I looked, and then this comment just made me feel even worse.
These kind of comments have really effected me over the years. There have been points where I talk to him about it and he has apologized for hurting my feelings, but they still happen. I have told him certain subjects are off limits. My weight is not to be discussed especially because I struggle with an eating disorder. I told him that and he understood. There just are still comments made about me that I don't think he understands that though factual are incredibly hurtful. What advice do you have for me?
I don't know I think there is a certain value in seeing the world as it is. While it may be uncomfortable for you to be reminded about these unplesent aspects of your life ignoring them won't help you make progress. For example supose you had a big facial birthmark. I'm sure 99% of the people you meet day to day would notice it but not comment on it. But it would change how many of them think of you. It would effect the oposite sex wanting to date you. Living in denial of that fact may make you temporeraly happyer but it also denies you the opotunity to do something to change the way people treat you, like use makeup to conseal the birthmark. Should you have to do that? No. but if you care about results you should consider it. But living in the fiction that the issue isn't there you don't even know you might be able to improve things by addressing it.