How do I navigate hurtful comments from an autistic parent?

I'm the child of an autistic parent (Dad) he is a really good parent, but being his child has posed a lot of challenges.

Here's two examples:

My family and I were spending time together and playing the game cards against humanity. So I pulled a card that said 'I am covered in *blank*' my dad didn't understand the premise of the game and thought it just was stating a fact about a person. His response was "Oh, you're covered in pimples!" I have struggled with acne most of my teenage life, and I am deeply insecure about it. I tried to play it off, but I ended up sobbing about it later. 

Another time my dad commented on my weight. Some context, I have a gluten allergy, and when I eat it my face gets puffy and my stomach gets very bloated. I had accidentally eaten gluten and when my dad saw me he says, " I don't understand what happened to you, last week you were skinny and beautiful but this week you aren't. I don't get it how did you gain so much weight so quickly?" Here's the thing, I actually hadn't gained weight, my body was just inflamed from an allergic reaction. I already felt terrible about how I looked, and then this comment just made me feel even worse.

These kind of comments have really effected me over the years. There have been points where I talk to him about it and he has apologized for hurting my feelings, but they still happen. I have told him certain subjects are off limits. My weight is not to be discussed especially because I struggle with an eating disorder. I told him that and he understood. There just are still comments made about me that I don't think he understands that though factual are incredibly hurtful. What advice do you have for me?

Parents
  • I'm guilty of much the same. If I notice something, I tend to comment on it; but there is no malice behind my comments, no intention to hurt or disparage. I think your best approach is to concentrate on the fact that your father does not intend to hurt you, he is just commenting on a phenomenon he has noticed, just as if he had noticed an unusual bird in a tree.

Reply
  • I'm guilty of much the same. If I notice something, I tend to comment on it; but there is no malice behind my comments, no intention to hurt or disparage. I think your best approach is to concentrate on the fact that your father does not intend to hurt you, he is just commenting on a phenomenon he has noticed, just as if he had noticed an unusual bird in a tree.

Children
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