Neurotypical seeking advice on navigating a new relationship with an autistic individual.

Hi there, for a little background, I have known this person for some time, and we have had a friendship which has crossed over into something more on a number of occasions. We’ve recently decided to try giving a relationship a go (long distance).

I am finding this hard to navigate as we rely on mostly texting and can’t see each other often. After doing some research I think they may be in autistic burnout, and have shared their mental state is quite bad. I know when they feel low they tend to shut off.

I crave connection and reassurance as I am a very anxious person and I now realise I handled their quietness totally wrong, I tried repeatedly to engage in conversation when really I should’ve given them space.

I feel awful because I so want this to work out, but I’m struggling with very minimal conversation and not knowing how they feel about me a lot of the time. 

Am I making their mental health worse with the pressure of a new relationship? Is there a way through this? Am I asking too much if I want them to let me know how they feel about me more often? How can I be there for them, whilst giving them space and also not feeling totally alone myself?

I have the best of intentions are care about them so much but I feel very stuck with how we are, and yet I don’t want to give up, because I want them to know I care whether they are sad, happy, depressed or anything else in between. 

Parents
  • Hi,

    If you have concerns now and they won't communicate, you need to think if this is really in both your best interests.  My Aspie souse just left me afte 14+ years and now I have lost everything I invested and I will be broke and homeless.  My Aspie Spouse did communicate until the last 5 weeks when they did the exact behaviour and worse you are describing.  Communication is key and an NT can make their own mental health worse by always putting the non-NT first.

    Likewise, i know some nt aspie marriages that are thriving and they have 2 children severly on the spectrum.  Commnuication is key.

    Good luck.

  • Thank you, sorry to hear about your relationship, sending positivity your way

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