Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there, for a little background, I have known this person for some time, and we have had a friendship which has crossed over into something more on a number of occasions. We’ve recently decided to try giving a relationship a go (long distance).
I am finding this hard to navigate as we rely on mostly texting and can’t see each other often. After doing some research I think they may be in autistic burnout, and have shared their mental state is quite bad. I know when they feel low they tend to shut off.
I crave connection and reassurance as I am a very anxious person and I now realise I handled their quietness totally wrong, I tried repeatedly to engage in conversation when really I should’ve given them space.
I feel awful because I so want this to work out, but I’m struggling with very minimal conversation and not knowing how they feel about me a lot of the time.
Am I making their mental health worse with the pressure of a new relationship? Is there a way through this? Am I asking too much if I want them to let me know how they feel about me more often? How can I be there for them, whilst giving them space and also not feeling totally alone myself?
I have the best of intentions are care about them so much but I feel very stuck with how we are, and yet I don’t want to give up, because I want them to know I care whether they are sad, happy, depressed or anything else in between.
Hi,
If you have concerns now and they won't communicate, you need to think if this is really in both your best interests. My Aspie souse just left me afte 14+ years and now I have lost everything I invested and I will be broke and homeless. My Aspie Spouse did communicate until the last 5 weeks when they did the exact behaviour and worse you are describing. Communication is key and an NT can make their own mental health worse by always putting the non-NT first.
Likewise, i know some nt aspie marriages that are thriving and they have 2 children severly on the spectrum. Commnuication is key.
Good luck.
Thank you, sorry to hear about your relationship, sending positivity your way