Always Loosing Friends

Stellar - I hear you.

I don't know how old you are......I am old - half a century +

I have discovered that, whilst I may be an awkward, a non-included entity MOST of the time, when it comes to times that people REALLY need people - ie to tell them my truth / be honest / give them a safe place.......then I am the go-to-"friend"/associate/partner.  Perhaps, I am one of the few "real" people in their lives?

I'm not saying that this is healthy, nor fair, but it does appear to be my truth.  Accordingly,I have come to the conclusion that, whilst I may not be "fit" for the current Zeitgeist, I seem to be valuable when things "get real" for people that I associate with.  I am content with my reality.

I hope you be happy with your lot for now.  Listen to the others here who tell you differently to my truth.  They may be right, I may be deluded.....or happy to accept a sad reality?

You hold your own fate - consult widely - decide as you see fit.

Very best regards

Number.

I do get the gist! I do not mean any of my comments to sound rude about ASD. I'm on the spectrum after all! I more meant does there sound to be behaviours I'm exhibiting that ARE problematic outside of ASD struggles with relationship dynamics etc.

Being surrounded by a discourse of people saying I'm the problem, I wanted to probe the idea in a forum of people who could extrapolate "autism" from "problem" in a way many NTs can't.

But no one seems to find my friend dropping when people upset me like I'm being unreasonable so that's good .... if lonely! 

Haha lacking wisdom for certain at this moment! 

I suppose I try to compromise and understand I may struggle with people and relationship dynamics due to ASD, but the way people turn on me, I dont want to be stupid sitting behind my ASD shield not realising I'm actually fostering bad behaviours separate from any neurodiversity. 

But from comments it seems like people think truly inclusive friends wouldn't make me feel like a massive problem. They might approach things I'm not doing great to discuss but I wouldn't feel like my feeling pain, disappointment and overwhelm was somehow me being a nasty person.

This is all very exhausting. I feel quite vulnerable to making friends who do not look after my psychological safety. 

I appreciate the responses. I felt like I was going mad!!

There aren't your friends. I've lost a few friends.

I go to a social group which have a program of new skills, art and crafts, guest speakers, games night and quizzes. you pick and choose the ones your interest in. Maybe There is something similar in your area? Mine is £2 per person which is included refreshments. Women only. 

The friends you have made were not true friends been there done that got the T shirt. Now I have some amazing friends who understand me. Have you thought about joining a group or something I have joined a board game group called spectrum gamers recently that’s really fun. Maybe with the friends you have talk to them see where you stand. 

Stellar said:

I have to ask if I'm the problem??

May I respectfully suggest that you ask yourself a slightly different question.......

"I have to ask if I'm the "DIFFERENCE.""

If you are anything like me, then the answer is a definitive YES.

Just because you are DIFFERENT doesn't mean that you are a / the PROBLEM.

Your 'difference' may pose a 'problem' to forming relationships to other people......but that is importantly different to saying that "YOU are the problem."

I haven't expressed that well......but I hope you get the gist?

If only more of us had your wisdom, Stellar!

You certainly HAVE the problem...

It's a common one. I'm sure we can help you work it over time..

Sounds like you have tried to compromise but its not enough? I have so gone out of my way to please people in the past, but it has not been enough or it gets forgotten. It is exhausting. Like you if someone wrongs me i may unfriend them. Its my choice. Im not the easiest of people myself at times. Cant deal with the confusion and drama. Maybe we cant tolerate as much as others?  Im sensitive with a strong opinion. My health is more important to me than social relationships. Maybe you cut people out because its too much for you? Dont be hard on yourself. We can always apologise if we want to and feel we should. We can explain to those that are important to us if we want to. X

I just keep getting told I'm overreacting or being sensitive when people upset me. It always turns into me being asked if I've thought about how my getting upset and wanting to withdraw (because of something someone did!) Is affecting others and the strength of my relationships gets called into question. 

It makes me feel awful but also, because I keep losing friends I have to ask if I'm the problem??

I hold the unshakeable belief that only by being accepting of others crapulance and holding it to be irrelevant to who they really are is the only way I can keep friendships going.  

I have ASD, its function seems to be to cause me distress, and it causes some NT's distress to be confronted with it.

It's also occasionally a super power for very limited periods.

Them's the cards I've been dealt, plus some others, the key is to try and play the game well, and enjoyably for all.

But. Other People. So annoying, right??