Published on 12, July, 2020
I used to do the whole "us vs them" thing with this, and on reflection I questioned whether this was a good idea. After all, we want them on our side.
However, I kind of get it. We are used to being "othered" and the double empathy problem exists for a reason.
I feel for me, it's almost like I'm speaking a completely different language at times, but I struggle with the translation. Even with autistic people, I may struggle with explaining what's going through my head, but it's still easier.
They're less likely to effectively shut me down and tell me to move on. I know NT's are well meaning but it couldn't be less helpful, which then leaves me feeling more ashamed and embarrassed, wishing I'd bottled it up instead.
I feel I'd want them to try and see it from my perspective but then I feel I'm asking for too much.
Quoted from a scientific study:
"Even when an autistic person is masking, non-autistic people will still rate them more harshly than non-autistic peers if they don't know they are autistic."
Yes, that's true. I actually think it's worse when they do know, but it's still a struggle getting things across.
In the examples I give, it couldn't be more obvious as we speak about it almost all the time.
I do take a lot of the responsibility. If they don't know that I have an issue with certain things, how would they take a different approach. But it's something I'm looking at in therapy.
I've experienced similar. I get the sense a lot of neurotypicals view us as less than them when they know. I've met women on online dating websites who work with Autistic people who were clearly not at all interested in me. Don't like being cynical but part of me thinks we're just pity cases in the eyes of neurotypicals. They seem to just want to change us and if they can't ghost us.