Published on 12, July, 2020
Boyfriend has diagnosed dyslexia and dyspraxia, doesn’t have Asperger’s diagnosis. For the most part we have a great relationship., but a few days ago after 4 years he has literally cut me off. He is an only child. I am one of several and my parents are divorcing. We had a great Xmas and we were making plans etc. over the Xmas, my mother, who my boyfriend has a total dislike for, offered for me and her to go away. I told my bf who immediately started ignoring me (over text) when I questioned him over the ignoring he stated he thought my mother was irresponsible etc, as she should be paying the mortgage which she was worried about not going away. I said he had no right to make comments on what my mother did with her money and he retaliated saying nasty stuff about my mother. We didnt speak for several days. He does this where I have to make the first move to sort the issue. Which I did again, we arranged to speak face to face and he asked had I told my mother what he said. When I admitted yes. He went nuts. Saying my mother would take offence and tell others which she hasn’t but I did say if you have said it you need to face up to it and sort it . We agreed to put it behind us and he said he would speak face to face with my mother. I thought we were fine and then he started ignoring me . He went to his friends for the weekend. Hardly spoke to me . I sent him a text saying remember me and he went nuts again. He said I was sarcastic to which I apologised. I text him the next day as I knew he was off asking did he love me . He said yes but he was unhappy, I asked him to call me he then started ranting saying how I bring so much drama to his life , and so does my family , and he never wanted to see or speak to me again. Put the phone down and blocked me on everything. I am heart broken . He has never said sorry once in any arguments we have had. It’s always me who has to say sorry and that I will change my behaviour. I don’t know if he is using my family as an excuse for his nasty ranting. He only seems to listen to any reason from his father. I am heartbroken and confused that after 4 years he can just cut me off like I am nothing
Thanks for your replies I am really grateful. The break up where his parents got told was a year ago. The incident where he has told me on the phone don’t love you don’t want to be with you.. was a day or so ago. 10 days ago we were fine, until I said I was going away with my mother and he made the comment that she was irresponsible and should be prioritising paying the mortgage. He seems to have taken huge offence that I told my mother what comments he had made because he got so mad when I told him I had saying my mother would take offence and she would tell me sister who would also take offence . My mother has done neither of those rhings. I thought we had sorted the issue as we talked it through face to face and he agreed to speak to my mother in person . Then came him ignoring me and culminating in the phone call where he said I and. My family bring nothing but drama and he doesn’t want anything to with me any more or see or speak to me. I have no idea if his parents are aware of any of this . He has just cut me off
-
So you broke up?
The only thing my mother did was when he broke up with me before was to message his mother. He took umbridge at that but my mother and his mother sorted it and my mother has not messaged his, in like 6 months. My siblings would be devastated if they thought he said they brought drama to him, as they believe that they are all good friends. He says my mother is a liar, a gossip and can’t be trusted. His mother has conversations about others the same as mine. It’s like because of one thing she did he hates her. But will accept lovely Xmas presents off her etc which is hurtful to me then, when he says this stuff. When the relationship is good it’s great but literally every couple of weeks. It’s me that has done something and me that needs to change. He actually says this . He also says I don’t listen and don’t change . On the flip side he is the most loving supportive person, which confuses me more , I have even thought emotional immaturity as to why he cannot take responsibility for his actions or wrongs
NAS91147 said:I am just at my wits end as to whether this behaviour is normal ( for an Asperger’s)
You seem to be treating your assumption of autism as a diagnosis, which it isn't.
However, what you have recounted above doesn't relate to autism in my mind, so I can't really answer your question.
As FrozenHeart says, it could be normal for a person generally.
'Normal' is just what most people do and I don't really have enough experience to tell you that.
It seems like maybe hes going through some personal stuff right now. People dont usually blame their life being ruined by someones family unless they actually did do something really hurtful (but you said that your family has always been nice) or if they are having a hard time and its easier to blame someone else.
I dont think its fair to base this all on the possibility of him being autistic though. I wouldnt say that behavior is "normal for Aspergers" anymore than it could be for a neurotypical.
Thank you for replying. I am just at my wits end as to whether this behaviour is normal ( for an Asperger’s) as in surely he can see , once he has calmed down after the outburst that he’s hurt me ? Surely it must register with him that there are two of us in the relationship and so the fault is not all me. He must be sorry for something ?? And yet that doesn’t appear the case. I was crying my eyes out on the phone . He stated that he wanted to get on with his day !! Is it normal for Asperger’s to be this way. For a normal thinker you would realise what you have said has hurt someone and it’s hard for me to compute in a 20 minute span he doesn’t love me or ever want to see me again
NAS91147 said:He just hasn’t gone through that diagnosis but he has so many traits of aspergers
Traits doesn't mean that he is autistic.
However, assuming he is (which I don't think is ideal) it's not clear from your text what you want answered (to me anyway).
I know you posted a thread previously which I read, and which was unreplied to, so I think it might be helpful to us if you are more specific in your questions and where they relate to his assumed autism.
He just hasn’t gone through that diagnosis but he has so many traits of aspergers . His parents also think this. He only appears to listen to reason from his father
NAS91147 said:doesn’t have Asperger’s diagnosis
Why are you framing all your questions in the context autism if he doesn't have a diagnosis?
When I spoke to him when I asked him to call me he started off with I love you but I am unhappy and ended 20 minutes later with I don’t love you don’t want a future with you and never want to see or speak to you again