Learning to cope alone?

For some reason the quote function seems to have stopped working for me, so I will manually repeat your comment: "I feel strangely grown up!"

I will add 'lack of a freezer' to the ever-lengthening list of reasons why I am still not a proper adult, despite many years of practice. I rely on the teeny compartment at the top of my under-counter fridge. I think part of the problem is that I have watched too many US cop shows so, whenever anyone uses the word 'freezer', rather than picturing a kitchen-based product overflowing with glorious food, I instead see a huge chest freezer sitting on a concrete floor in a dank, poorly-lit cellar, with a padlock on the lid. Just for clarification, which is closest to your situation? 

InfinitePlanner said:

 I hope you and the new freezer are very happy together

Thanks! It's my first one, the old one my late mother bought. I feel strangely grown up! It's been delivered, but still will take a while to be ready. Disruption!

InfinitePlanner said:

 (and what a beautiful drawing you posted in the creative thread

Thank you, I appreciate that

Pegg said:

I struggle when things change and the balance of things is changed.

Me too. I can cope with a standard day where everything fits nicely into the routine, and can sometimes handle disruptions, but then other times a problem that would seem relatively minor to most people completely throws me. It is particularly an issue for anything house-related, if I have to rely on someone else, because I find it difficult to trust people I do not know (with good reason where plumbers are involved!). I hope you and the new freezer are very happy together  (and what a beautiful drawing you posted in the creative thread )

I was thrown, without a paddle, into adult responsibility. But, when the student is ready, the teacher appears.

That's interesting and it's reassuring to know that you have been able to cope alone. Perhaps all that worrying served a purpose in preparing you for what was going to happen.

I know CBT always teaches us that all worrying is bad but I think for autistic people it can serve a purpose. We can go through various possibilities and outcomes in our minds and when something actually happens it isn't such a shock.

Autonomistic said:

Bereavement is hard for everyone but I think for autistic people, who already struggle greatly to adapt to change, it can be much harder. At a time of life when they need support more than ever there isn't any. It's a case of sink or swim. Those who sink can find themselves being sectioned and all the mistreatment that comes with being in such a situation.

I worried about losing my parents all my life. I mean really over the top, obsessional worry, starting probably around 10 years old.

But when it happened i just adapted instantly and barely felt anything. On the one hand I was relieved and proud that apparently i am more than capable of coping alone, but on the other hand horrified that I didn't feel anything.

It's a situation I will have to face in the not too distant future. I've continued to rely on my mum a lot throughout my adult life and I am finding it very hard to adapt now that she relies on me for almost everything.

When I read about any support for life transitions for autistic people it almost always talks about transition between schools or from education into the workplace. The massive life transition that arises from loss of a primary caregiver should be given more recognition, whatever the age of the autistic person.

Bereavement is hard for everyone but I think for autistic people, who already struggle greatly to adapt to change, it can be much harder. At a time of life when they need support more than ever there isn't any. It's a case of sink or swim. Those who sink can find themselves being sectioned and all the mistreatment that comes with being in such a situation.

Here is a tragic story of a (previously undiagnosed) autistic woman in her 50s who found herself being sectioned after the loss of her father. No human should ever be treated that way.

https://www.autistica.org.uk/get-involved/my-autism-story/jackies-story

I'm hoping I'll be ok when my parents are no longer around. I try to be as independent as possible so I don't rely on people for anything.

My older brother had asd but he is dependent on my parents completely. He's 27 and my dad has to brush his teeth because he struggles with coordination. He's always grateful and he does try but he can't do things the way I can. 

I worry though because when my parents are gone one day he will be completely on his own and unable to cope. I don't know what will happen for him but he was sectioned a few years ago and I worry that's what his future is.

Well if you both get old and frail together then you can both support each other.
Sounds like if you had another person in your home you would both have to be a mirror image 
of each other, but even then, i suspect you would prefer your own space and company in your own safe bubble.

Yes, I desperately want a partner and I really worry about what will happen to me when I get old and frail or sick, but at the same time I honestly don’t know if I have the energy or emotional room for another person in my home.

That is ASD for us Pegg.
A mixture of contradictions and mental confusion we cant't decipher.
I get you.

I am alone, apart from the dog.

My life is constructed around routines, and the basic premise that things will stay the same, more or less.

I struggle when things change and the balance of things is changed. I have been thrown by the freezer breaking - and although it will be resolved by a new one, it's still disruptive, which feels like a big thing, to me.

At these times, I sometimes wish there was someone to help, or support me. But in reality I don't think I'd cope with another person. 

I experienced the opposite.  I find it better to live alone.

When my mother was alive I was her official carer and I struggled to cope with her criticism.  She slagged me off to others for being a weirdo because I washed my hands before meals, because I bathed more than once a week.  I had to cope with all phobias.

Now I live as I like.

You are not alone thinking this way.
Despite my " masking " jokes, i am the same way.
The fear of the un-known or losing the only support we have.
Your true strength will only shine through if or when that situation happens.
Until then, do not think ahead too much or you will drive yourself nuts.
One Day at a time...............

Just bumping this back up.