Published on 12, July, 2020
A few people have told me in my life that they would never have expected that I was autistic if no one informed them, because I "seem normal". This isn't a post about what constitutes as "normal", though. I'm considered a high functioning autist, so I understand the symptoms might not be as clear as with others. I've heard around and about the term "masking", but don't really know anything about it. All I can say is that I don't feel like I put any special effort into behaving differently around others.
Well, that may not be entirely true. I remember in youth that, whenever I got emotionally carried away, my behaviours would make other people uncomfortable. Embarassment and alienation conditioned me to repress strong feelings like excitement. If that's a kind of masking, then I've gotten so proficient at it that I don't think I could stop if I tried. Feeling things feels wrong.
It troubles me when people who don't understand autism look at me, see me behaving almost like a neuro-typical person, and assuming that I'm using my autism as a crutch to avoid personal growth. I've had people I've felt very close to turn that on me. It hurts.
I don't know if there's any merit in trying to unravel this structure of avoiding strong emotions. To this day, any time I let my guard down and feel something freely, I've come to regret it. I can't think of one single instance where being emotionally uninhibited has done me more good than harm.
But anyway, how does one deal with others doubting the validity of your condition, when explaining only seems to affirm their belief that you're making excuses for yourself?
well im undiagnosed and been in a 4 year que so i dont hold tightly onto the assumption of autism in myself especially as 2 or 3 other personality disorders could also allign with my experiences which are similar to autism symptoms anyway so for me it could be anything from autism to these other 2 or 3 things, or maybe a mix of some of them together for all i know.... but i dont care about validity as without diagnosis i dont really claim any of them yet but rather claim a status of prediagnosed whatever the hell, awaiting diagnosis.... but yet even then i dont think ill trust a diagnosis as doctors can get things wrong and they would likely never have my full experience to judge and diagnose correctly as all these things they are so very close and similar to one another that its easy to misdiagnose as one thing when infact you maybe this other thing... so i dont care about validity myself.but yeah, after trouble at work i was speaking to colleague where i said im in diagnosis que for autism and he said that along the lines of he doesnt think i am and i seem normal, then he said its likely aspergers then or something instead of autism. then he said he is autistic though but yet he has a social life has a kid, had 3 girlfriends, has many friends, streams games, has a social circle, talks confidently and alot, seems to have no anxiety and is a cool guy and can slip into taking charge and leading the early shift... but yet hes autistic... and he doubted it in me despite me being less social, never having kids, not having social circles, not having friends, never having relationships and being a loner with a emotionless flat effect face lol he saw me as normal despite him having diagnosis for autism despite the fact hes definitely more normal than me. so yeah, everyone does that even other autistic people who are actually more normal than you and lack awareness of that.but yeah there is the fact that you cant see into peoples minds. like how people just think im calm all the time, my face doesnt show anything or expression so they think im calm when i may be far from calm. and this asking how you feel all the time some times i dont know how i feel alot of times, a detachedness, which is actually one thing that makes me almost slot my symptoms into another disorder instead as that could more closely align with other diagnosis's. but anyway its hard to judge someone on a surface level... although in the other guys case i can judge him by social life and relationships and having a kid... then i can reference that his relationships are always bad and he falls for bad girls ripping him off and running with his money... this can be a symptom of bpd in him more i believe perhaps, if thats the one with bad relationships and stuff.
Hello, I think many conditions overlap with one another. I would like to see more research done on the physiological factors that accompany these conditions.
yeah there needs to be some more hard physical evidence by a scan or something to determine what is what for sure. there needs some better concrete diagnosis way.
Yes, for sure. I would definitely take part in these types of studies. In-depth brain scans for those with various psychological conditions needs to be done on a large number of participants diagnosed with the conditions to see what similarity’s can be found.