Published on 12, July, 2020
A few people have told me in my life that they would never have expected that I was autistic if no one informed them, because I "seem normal". This isn't a post about what constitutes as "normal", though. I'm considered a high functioning autist, so I understand the symptoms might not be as clear as with others. I've heard around and about the term "masking", but don't really know anything about it. All I can say is that I don't feel like I put any special effort into behaving differently around others.
Well, that may not be entirely true. I remember in youth that, whenever I got emotionally carried away, my behaviours would make other people uncomfortable. Embarassment and alienation conditioned me to repress strong feelings like excitement. If that's a kind of masking, then I've gotten so proficient at it that I don't think I could stop if I tried. Feeling things feels wrong.
It troubles me when people who don't understand autism look at me, see me behaving almost like a neuro-typical person, and assuming that I'm using my autism as a crutch to avoid personal growth. I've had people I've felt very close to turn that on me. It hurts.
I don't know if there's any merit in trying to unravel this structure of avoiding strong emotions. To this day, any time I let my guard down and feel something freely, I've come to regret it. I can't think of one single instance where being emotionally uninhibited has done me more good than harm.
But anyway, how does one deal with others doubting the validity of your condition, when explaining only seems to affirm their belief that you're making excuses for yourself?
Yes, for sure. I would definitely take part in these types of studies. In-depth brain scans for those with various psychological conditions needs to be done on a large number of participants diagnosed with the conditions to see what similarity’s can be found.
yeah there needs to be some more hard physical evidence by a scan or something to determine what is what for sure. there needs some better concrete diagnosis way.
I will say if someone doubts the validity of my condition by saying......how would you know!?
Hello, I think many conditions overlap with one another. I would like to see more research done on the physiological factors that accompany these conditions.
Hello, it’s very interesting to read about other people’s experiences of how they are treated about their autism. I am also in the high functioning autism category but, I overheard peers back at school say that I’m autistic to each other and it shocked me because I never told anybody and I thought only the teachers knew.
However, I have heard people (mostly online) say that high functioning autism doesn’t exist and it’s a way for people to make excuses for themselves. I know it’s not the same as someone saying this to you in person but it hard when you struggle with the symptoms of autism so much.
What has help me with reassurance and general confidence is speaking with and addressing issues and feelings with support workers such as my mentor, study support worker and well-being advisor.
Jai
yeah which is another reason i think he was likely diagnosed when he was too young if he isnt up to date with the current things. and in that case like i said when your diagnosed too young it could be misdiagnosed.... and so they miss all his updates of socialising and relationships and the extra info that brings that then shows he suits this other condition alot more by the letter considering his relationships he had.
Caelus said:he said its likely aspergers then or something instead of autism
That demonstrates that he doesn't know what he's talking about. Aspergers is just an older name that is no longer given as a diagnosis due to Nazi connotations. People that would have once been given a diagnosis of Aspergers are now diagnosed ASD or ASC. It's still autism.
i think its because alot of personality disorders are misdiagnosed and based on limited information from the doctors perspective...like i said the guy at work who has diagnosis for it, he has all this stuff and friends and relations, maybe he got diagnosed early before they could use his older developed state to rule it out? this is the issue with young diagnosis..... when they look at him and all his info now and see his relations and his issues with relations and his threats in the relations... the doctor could quite clearly see it likely suits bpd on his part rather than autism... but the doctor likely didnt have all this info or he diagnosed him early before he could see a older developed version of him... so its more likely these people got misdiagnosed perhaps too early or they didnt provide enough experience information or evidence for the diagnoser to point out something else.
Caelus said:then he said he is autistic though but yet he has a social life has a kid, had 3 girlfriends, has many friends, streams games, has a social circle, talks confidently and alot, seems to have no anxiety and is a cool guy and can slip into taking charge and leading the early shift... but yet hes autistic... and he doubted it in me despite me being less social, never having kids, not having social circles, not having friends, never having relationships and being a loner with a emotionless flat effect face lol he saw me as normal despite him having diagnosis for autism despite the fact hes definitely more normal than me. so yeah, everyone does that even other autistic people who are actually more normal than you and lack awareness of that.
I have to say I struggle with this, as I’ve noted in threads about autistic influencers who seem outgoing, have partners and kids etc and seem happy travelling the world doing public speaking engagements.
I know I shouldn’t judge other peoples’ life experiences but if they represent autism then it makes me think my diagnosis is wrong and I have something worse.
well im undiagnosed and been in a 4 year que so i dont hold tightly onto the assumption of autism in myself especially as 2 or 3 other personality disorders could also allign with my experiences which are similar to autism symptoms anyway so for me it could be anything from autism to these other 2 or 3 things, or maybe a mix of some of them together for all i know.... but i dont care about validity as without diagnosis i dont really claim any of them yet but rather claim a status of prediagnosed whatever the hell, awaiting diagnosis.... but yet even then i dont think ill trust a diagnosis as doctors can get things wrong and they would likely never have my full experience to judge and diagnose correctly as all these things they are so very close and similar to one another that its easy to misdiagnose as one thing when infact you maybe this other thing... so i dont care about validity myself.but yeah, after trouble at work i was speaking to colleague where i said im in diagnosis que for autism and he said that along the lines of he doesnt think i am and i seem normal, then he said its likely aspergers then or something instead of autism. then he said he is autistic though but yet he has a social life has a kid, had 3 girlfriends, has many friends, streams games, has a social circle, talks confidently and alot, seems to have no anxiety and is a cool guy and can slip into taking charge and leading the early shift... but yet hes autistic... and he doubted it in me despite me being less social, never having kids, not having social circles, not having friends, never having relationships and being a loner with a emotionless flat effect face lol he saw me as normal despite him having diagnosis for autism despite the fact hes definitely more normal than me. so yeah, everyone does that even other autistic people who are actually more normal than you and lack awareness of that.but yeah there is the fact that you cant see into peoples minds. like how people just think im calm all the time, my face doesnt show anything or expression so they think im calm when i may be far from calm. and this asking how you feel all the time some times i dont know how i feel alot of times, a detachedness, which is actually one thing that makes me almost slot my symptoms into another disorder instead as that could more closely align with other diagnosis's. but anyway its hard to judge someone on a surface level... although in the other guys case i can judge him by social life and relationships and having a kid... then i can reference that his relationships are always bad and he falls for bad girls ripping him off and running with his money... this can be a symptom of bpd in him more i believe perhaps, if thats the one with bad relationships and stuff.
They can't understand the world outside of their experiences, which is just a chronic lack of self-awareness. Best to not let people like that bother you.
If only it wasn't my best friend saying it .
I hear you. I don't really think I emulate other people too much. I try and take after my dad when it comes to talking to strangers, because he's very direct and friendly. When I get introduced to non-British people I have an unshakable habit of laying the accent on extra thick, because they love it every time. I guess those qualify.
That is an insult really when people say those things, as if normal is the 'gold standard' to achieve and anything else is failing.
Kieran Rose, an autistic advocate, has been involved in a lot of research on masking. If you want to learn more about masking then his website is a good place to start. Some of his articles and videos explain that most of the masking is not something we do consciously. It usually started very early in life as a result of invalidation or not feeling safe, being made out to be different by others.
https://theautisticadvocate.com/masking-i-am-not-ok/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFCaoFX-pjg&t=2486s
Oran G. Utan said:Embarassment and alienation conditioned me to repress strong feelings like excitement. If that's a kind of masking, then I've gotten so proficient at it that I don't think I could stop if I tried. Feeling things feels wrong.
Yes that's masking and you've identified how hard it is to unmask when we actually want to. People who are not diagnosed until later in life often feel as if there is nothing there underneath the masks, we don't know who we are.
As a child I learned to internally suppress so much after I was repeatedly punished for having meltdowns. However those bottled emotions will come out one way or another eventually and not in a good way.
Table 2 of this document contains a list of some of the main types of masking behaviours. I imagine you'll recognise quite a few.
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/13623613211026754
Masking was a semi-conscious thing for me when I was younger, I just started copying what other people were doing to fit in. It worked all right. You really have to ramp it up in offices, sometimes it baffles me how I've managed to get a 10+ year digital marketing career going.
I've picked up loads of mannerisms from films and TV shows I like. And from music. I'm like a walking media text of intertextual references.
Oran G. Utan said:assuming that I'm using my autism as a crutch to avoid personal growth
Unfortunately, there will always be ignorant people. It's like those ones who claim depressed people need to "get over it", they're just consumed by their lack of knowledge, hubris, indignation etc.