Joining clubs, classes and groups

It's tough to be a woman at Christmas.  Or at any other time really.  I nearly posted a Kate Bush song but I thought you might think I was taking the piss.

I just finished my Dinner. How's your Christmas Day going?

It's all quiet on the Western Front again here now 

Our 2 guests, that temporarily became 3, have now left and all the talking has ended.

Phew.

Thankyou Debbie.  Merry Christmas.  I just finished my Dinner. How's your Christmas Day going?

I joined an autism Meetup group for my city (Glasgow) but it has over 500 members and there are only 12 places on each Meetup and it’s the same people every time. By the time I get a notification that a Meetup has been arranged, they’re already fully booked. I assume they are pre-arranging with each other before sending the notification so it makes the group pointless for the other 500 of us.

Hi I have been going to a craft class and found it really good. Also some autistic people turned up to it.  It is good to find out what suits you and whatever interests you have. 

There is also a website www.meetup.com where one can find meet ups in person or online in one’s area.  Have been on some for Autistic people in person and online.

I hope to make a few more steps towards the rest of the world in 2024.

All the best for this M.

Amerantin (former member) said:

you’ve all reassured me that people really do go to these things alone

Merry Christmas.

That's good to hear.

Incidentally, my husband goes to loads of things alone because I'm not keen on going.

This includes frequently seeing bands live and also doing various arts and crafts classes.

He is however NT and an extrovert, which I know helps.

Thanks Cathy. I don’t have anyone to go with. That’s why I need to do something like this - to meet people.

But thanks, you’ve all reassured me that people really do go to these things alone.

Hello.

I've attended a lot of classes and groups on my own and it was such a fun experience even though I was petrified at first. It's something that gets easier the more you do it. That was my experience, I found I got more comfortable each time I did it.

But if you would rather go with someone else then that's fine. Lots of people do that and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Whatever works best for you is what you should do.

I go to classes and groups with my husband a lot of the time. Last year before he got sick we were attending a drama group lol at which we were both terrible but it's something he always wanted to do so hey ho.

Do what you want and feel comfortable with and if it doesn't work out you can always try again later on.

It's been almost  a decade since I was physically intimate with anyone.  I am way too comfortable being reclusive.  I hope to make a few more steps towards the rest of the world in 2024.

 You're more likely to meet a partner if you are out and about and being social.

100% more likely than sitting alone at home like I have been for the last few years! Now I just need to figure out what the heck to say if I’m lucky enough to meet anyone friendly…

I've attended Meet-ups,  I've joined Political Parties and Trade unions,  i've been to cafes, pubs, clubs and gigs. And after all that I've still ended up sat alone in a room.  You should try things though.  You're more likely to meet a partner if you are out and about and being social.

I am very happy alone overall but its also isolating. some of my solutions have been --

0- avoid competitive activities. Move toward shared experiences so as to have a common interest to talk about..

1- learn a language, have some language exchange friends one on one over the internet. this helped me overcome feelings of visceral fear overall to be with someone and talk for some time with them. It gave me a sense of connection with my exchange partners. we still meet once a week! This also gave me insights into "small" talk! One of my exchange people is autistic it turned out.

2- I joined a gym, started to take an exercise class. It was scary at first with the noise and strangers but I stood in front so I couldn't see them and have headphones till the class begins. The class noise is music, though, and I then use plugs if it's too loud. All the people are focusing on the leader or their own movements and there is nothing else going on, no cross talk. This is true of gyms in general. I discovered it is an ideal place to make friends and feel safe. I believe there is a higher than usual percentage of autistic people at gyms.

3- run away from negative feedback from others. It drained my burgeoning self confidence.

4- I stopped the worry that people would not accept me for myself. it was exhausting and fed #4: they will like me or not, experiment.

5- I realized that many people are baffled by what to do socially, NT and ND. We can be gentle with each other and ourselves, therefore.

Thanks. Some of these answers have really encouraged me to give it a go. Next step find the courage to follow through!

I have been to lots of things on my own. Fitness, craft, adult learning, community groups. It might be the best thing you ever do. I'm a big advocate for getting out of the house if you are able to. A change of scene does us good. Finding friends is a bonus. I have found a lot of stuff I've been to has been frequented by retired people or those out of work. I've found these types of people generally quite forgiving.

Yes, people do go to these things alone. When I was younger I attended a book club and a dance club, both had people who tended them alone. I went with my older sister, I would never have been confident enough to go by myself. I did enjoy them though, it was nice to get out and be around other people. It made me feel like I actually had friends! I didn't do either for long though, each week there was new people and there wasn't much of a routine and it became too stressful for me to keep attending.

Thanks Euan, that’s really cheered me up and given me hope!

I will keep you updated. I have to make an effort next year.

I think you’re right that choosing the right activity is probably key. 

I had thought of doing a language class as we’ll presumably be forced to talk to each other.

That looks interesting! Will see if there’s anything similar near me.

Well, as I said in another post, people won't get into relationships, be they platonic or not, unless they meet other people.

I can’t argue with that! It’s very difficult though.

But I have to make a change in my life.