Joining clubs, classes and groups

Yes they do.  I did.  It is always a bit weird and awkward.  It can be a car crash...often...tbh....but if just 1/6 work out, then you are winning mate!

Sorry to whoever I offended with that post

I’m going to try and sign myself up for a language class in the new year. But I’ll have to be very deliberate in how I interact where people - I know I put up an invisible wall around myself so I need to force myself to make eye contact and respond to questions with more than yes or no.

The whole thing is fraught with danger for me but the alternative is worse.

Are you still going to any classes or meetings?

I think I need to try and meet people face to face. I might be being over ambitious in hoping to meet friends but I know that just wouldn’t happen with online meetings. I need to get out of the house more too!

I have done all kinds of groups and classes over the years. Most of them I went on my own and many other people started going on their own. Often It was attend, then later on bit by bit get to know people in stages. Have done 

Drama 

Journaling

upcycling

Art

Craft

Neurodivergent Spirituality

 Meditation

One of the best for me was A Philosophy class. It was therapeutic in a sense of encouraging to be free thinking. 

It can be a bit nervous at first but the fear did ease. 

Walking groups can be good in that there was no obligation to chat but could just chat a bit now and then with who I was walking close to.

I am also a cafe addict. It can be nice to sit at a table on my own but with people around. However I have got to know one or two regulars. 

Hi if you are ok with online Meetups there are some in different areas who accept people from other areas. My experience with the ones I have attended are they don’t usually get fully booked. Have had people from other countries join. An example is Adults With Autism West Midlands which I have joined. Can give you others if you are interested. 

I joined an autism Meetup group for my city (Glasgow) but it has over 500 members and there are only 12 places on each Meetup and it’s the same people every time. By the time I get a notification that a Meetup has been arranged, they’re already fully booked. I assume they are pre-arranging with each other before sending the notification so it makes the group pointless for the other 500 of us.

Hi I have been going to a craft class and found it really good. Also some autistic people turned up to it.  It is good to find out what suits you and whatever interests you have. 

There is also a website www.meetup.com where one can find meet ups in person or online in one’s area.  Have been on some for Autistic people in person and online.

Thanks Cathy. I don’t have anyone to go with. That’s why I need to do something like this - to meet people.

But thanks, you’ve all reassured me that people really do go to these things alone.

Hello.

I've attended a lot of classes and groups on my own and it was such a fun experience even though I was petrified at first. It's something that gets easier the more you do it. That was my experience, I found I got more comfortable each time I did it.

But if you would rather go with someone else then that's fine. Lots of people do that and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Whatever works best for you is what you should do.

I go to classes and groups with my husband a lot of the time. Last year before he got sick we were attending a drama group lol at which we were both terrible but it's something he always wanted to do so hey ho.

Do what you want and feel comfortable with and if it doesn't work out you can always try again later on.

I am very happy alone overall but its also isolating. some of my solutions have been --

0- avoid competitive activities. Move toward shared experiences so as to have a common interest to talk about..

1- learn a language, have some language exchange friends one on one over the internet. this helped me overcome feelings of visceral fear overall to be with someone and talk for some time with them. It gave me a sense of connection with my exchange partners. we still meet once a week! This also gave me insights into "small" talk! One of my exchange people is autistic it turned out.

2- I joined a gym, started to take an exercise class. It was scary at first with the noise and strangers but I stood in front so I couldn't see them and have headphones till the class begins. The class noise is music, though, and I then use plugs if it's too loud. All the people are focusing on the leader or their own movements and there is nothing else going on, no cross talk. This is true of gyms in general. I discovered it is an ideal place to make friends and feel safe. I believe there is a higher than usual percentage of autistic people at gyms.

3- run away from negative feedback from others. It drained my burgeoning self confidence.

4- I stopped the worry that people would not accept me for myself. it was exhausting and fed #4: they will like me or not, experiment.

5- I realized that many people are baffled by what to do socially, NT and ND. We can be gentle with each other and ourselves, therefore.

Thanks. Some of these answers have really encouraged me to give it a go. Next step find the courage to follow through!

I have been to lots of things on my own. Fitness, craft, adult learning, community groups. It might be the best thing you ever do. I'm a big advocate for getting out of the house if you are able to. A change of scene does us good. Finding friends is a bonus. I have found a lot of stuff I've been to has been frequented by retired people or those out of work. I've found these types of people generally quite forgiving.

Yes, people do go to these things alone. When I was younger I attended a book club and a dance club, both had people who tended them alone. I went with my older sister, I would never have been confident enough to go by myself. I did enjoy them though, it was nice to get out and be around other people. It made me feel like I actually had friends! I didn't do either for long though, each week there was new people and there wasn't much of a routine and it became too stressful for me to keep attending.

Thanks Euan, that’s really cheered me up and given me hope!

I will keep you updated. I have to make an effort next year.

I think you’re right that choosing the right activity is probably key. 

I had thought of doing a language class as we’ll presumably be forced to talk to each other.

I've recently been doing this sort of thing. Going to groups and things. It's really challenging and uncomfortably anxiety provoking. Ive in the past couple of months started going to a board games group, volunteering, and going to a men's yoga class/wild swimming group. All of these I've attended alone. You will not be the weird guy on his own. These groups tend to attract other people that are in a similar situation, that they want to meet new people. In every single one of these groups I've went to I met others that were there alone and for the first time also. They too were there to meet people, just like you. I think people with a number of friends are less likely to join these things sometimes becuase, well, they've got their "people" and may be satisfied with the friendships they've got. 

If your lucky, you might find groups that are very friendly to new comers. The board games group i attended had one of the organisers greeting to hat the door and explaining how it works if you were new. This group was organised through the "meet up" app. The swimming group also offered to do a "buddy" system for newcomers so it doesn't feel as daunting your first time. Many of these types of  groups have new comers in mind.

I compeltley understand how daunting it feels. I came so close to turning and going home jsut as I was entering these things for the first time. I can't say how your experiences will be, but I know from my own experience it has done so much for my confidence and self esteem in being around other people. I would say it's worth a try, much like most things. I would however recommend if you do, then make sure to have a good self care plan/routine afterwards, as regardless of if it goes good or bad, it is pretty exhausting, especially the first couple of times you attend and the anxiety is at its worst.

I hope some of what I've said helps! Please keep us updated if you find yourself trying some of the groups your interested in. We're here to support! 

I have in the past tried attending all kinds of things alone. I always found it quite overwhelming being around other people and struggled trying to talk to anyone. I never came remotely close to making friends at any of them and didn't really enjoy the experience in the main. I can't tolerate being in group situations where multiple conversations are happening at once.

Over the years I've tried walking groups, a local history group, a birdwatching group, exercise classes, cookery workshops, etc.

The most successful one for me was the local birdwatching group I attended for a few years. I found that easier to tolerate because the people were quieter! They were focussed on watching and listening to the birds, rather than inane conversations with each other.

Yes people do go alone to these things, so you needn't worry about that.