Published on 12, July, 2020
During my early twenties, I did an assertiveness training course. Part of the course focused on the way we communicate with other people and the choice of words we use.
Since becoming a member of this Community, I have observed that when members have a difference of opinion and discussions get heated, they will sometimes state their personal opinions as though they are facts.
For example, let's imagine that I consider someone to be a truly despicable person, and I say, "You are a vile person!" It comes across as though I am stating a fact. Therefore, if the person it is being said to gets defensive and responds negatively, one can hardly blame them.
However, if I say, "I think you are a vile person!", then it makes it clear that I am merely expressing MY opinion of that person. By using the words, "I think" at the beginning of that statement, I am owning that statement and accepting responsibility for it.
Does this make sense?
It does make sense. Words can be interpreted by different people in different ways, especially written down - you've lost tone, body language, all of that. They can also be taken out of context. Agree with owning your words/statements/opinions.As for facts, what I took away from Uni was there don't appear to be any facts, just degrees of statistical certainty or probability. I wanted to understand how the world works and I realised that no-one really knows.
I worship statistics and would never misrepresent them. I'm Autistic, after all.
It makes a lot of sense Sparkly, yes! That qualifier helps a lot, but even more helpful (though it's easy to forget it in the heat of certain moments) is never to sum up someone's entire character with one reductive statement So 'I think that doing [x] was out of order, and it's made me feel wary of this side of you...' leaves more room for bridge-building in time.
Not only do they do this with words but also with statistics. If you say "100 people were asked if they are a smoker, and also if they are happy. 60% of people replied saying they were a smoker. 40% replied they are happy." If you hear that, you will automatically assume that the 40% is the people left from the 60%, but you dont actually know that. maybe 25% of the 40% were also smokers. So if they were making the claim that smokers are less happy, then even if it is true, they could be implying a bigger difference than what is true. They cant even say they are lying either because they didnt. They just know how to word something in a way that people will conclude a certain idea.
I think saying "I t
Oh wait I just did the thing lol
In psych class we learned that females use hedges, disclaimers, and tag questions more than males do. I think saying "I think you are a vile person" is probably one of those hedges disclaimers or tag things (im not 100% what they all mean though).
Words are definitely important and they can be utilised in many different ways. Observe any Lawyer or Politician and you will notice how they use words. Most of their words are chosen very deliberatively. For good or ill.