Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I'm mum and I'm allistic and my son is autistic. We had a Frank and sobering conversation today which shocked and saddened me but I'm glad in a way as I'm glad my son was honest with me..he told me in not so many words he'd rather not be alive due to his Autism as in life the one things he feels that matters the most is the emotional side of things which he can't have ie he was upset that he can't even experience those loving interactions that most neuro typical people take for granted..he basically feels very alone. I feel very sad for him and its frustrating as a mum who loves him very much that there is nothing I can do for him. So this is why I have come on here to ask the question of ..is there happiness to be had in this life when you have Autism? He works hard at fending off the depression that he feels as a result of Autism (ie not clinical depression) he exercises as he says that helps his mental state and he tries to eat right and he has stopped drinking alcohol all together. He doesn't feel enthusiastic about getting outside and doing anything as he says it won't make him any happier if he does interact with people even if he took meds to deal with anxiety etc he doesn't see the point.
Autists tend to be motivated by their interests. If your son doesn't have these currently it can make life fairly empty and meaningless. It can be a case of trying lots of things and doing lots of research until he finds that spark, something he is passionate about that makes life worthwhile.
NAS83342 said:He doesn't feel enthusiastic about getting outside and doing anything as he says it won't make him any happier if he does interact with people even if he took meds to deal with anxiety etc he doesn't see the point.
Personally I would much rather spend many hours hyper-focusing on something that interests me than be bored senseless in a social setting. Most of the interactions I have observed do seem superficial and pointless. Meds might deal with anxiety or they might not (they don't help for many autists) however ultimately he probably won't get the enjoyment out of interacting with people.
Life is much harder as an autistic person in this world, there's no denying that. There will be a lot more struggles than most allistic will ever have. However it isn't all bad and some do achieve happiness at least some of the time.
If he does want to form connections you could look to see if there is a local group for autistic adults in your area. Also point him in the direction of this forum as there is a good community on here.
Hi there, I identify a lot with what your son is experiencing but it may not be as bleak as it appears.
I am autistic too and I can’t lie, it has made my life less than it could have been but what you are describing sounds more like depression than autism. Depression is very common among us but, unlike autism, it can be treated.
There is no reason an autistic person can’t enjoy life and be fulfilled.
I really do think it would be worth exploring depression with his GP or a therapist. It can get better.
i think buddhism also touchs on stuff like this and acknowledges the lie of chasing happiness, that instead you have to look inward, you already have it in the present if it exists. its within not without, true happiness is with you even if you cast aside all material belongings and social status, even if you are in prison.
Those are some of my ways of coping also. Right now I'm listening to a very good Cd I have not heard for years. I should be able to take some pleasure in that.
i dont think so.... can you even define happiness? it might not really exist.... if he gets a relationship and social interaction and love how sure is he that he will then be satisfied? he might still feel that void, that pointlessness and sadness... this is why pursuing happiness is a endless chase and youd never actually catch it as its always running ahead of you. because perhaps happiness just doesnt exist. we are creatures made to be always discontent and striving for better, for more. that is how we advanced as a species.
I believe it IS possible to live a happy (or reasonably happy) life with ASD, but I think it depends on the individual.
What works for one person, doesn't work for all, but what has been helpful for me is to try to keep my expectations low and focus on the simple things in life. Admittedly, this can be easier said than done when I'm feeling particularly depressed. If something good happens, no matter how simple it may be, I try to look at it as a bonus.
If I spend too much time focussing on the negatives, or things that seem out of reach, it just drags me down. What has helped me is learning to appreciate the simple things in life, and trying not to take those things for granted.
Yes. The way being autistic affects each person is very individual. I would say that my natural state is a slightly low mood, lower than most allistics, but I'm used to it and it does not weigh on me. I also have periods of intense joy. Though I did not realise I was autistic, and subsequently sought diagnosis, until my late 50s, I realised that there was something not quite right with my communication with other people, particularly my seeming inability to form romantic connections. I did something about it, I researched non-verbal communication and became reasonably adept at it at an intellectual level, to overcome my lack of allistic subconscious abilities. I forced myself to be emotionally available and vulnerable and take risks, not easy. As a result I eventually made an enduring romantic connection and was married. I have two adult children, one autistic, the other with ADHD; they are both intelligent and talented - both have first class degrees. I had a long career in biomedical research and have a PhD in molecular biology. All in all I have had a fulfilling and reasonably contented life.
Yes you can. I am personally really struggling in life. But I can forsee a time where even I am happier. It depends on each individual Autistic and their experiences, whether they are happy or not.
No. Judging by my experience I'm doomed to be forever lonely.